Brothers

This is another I found in Google Documents and it is from 3/07.

It's nice being around my brother for a change. We've never been close and I still don't understand why we don't get along with each other. He's been telling me about the stuff that happened when we were kids and I understand him a little better. But I'm still clueless in understanding me. LOL. I'm such a weirdo.
I asked him why he was always so mean to me when we were kids. I told him that he tormented me at every turn and he did the same to my friends when they were around. He said that when I was real little, I followed him around and we were close. But when I got to be around 6-7-8 years old, things changed. He said that I turned evil. LOL. Who, ME? He said that when ever something happened between us, he didn't know what I would do and I didn't care about punishment. He said that they (him and my sister) were scared of me. I kinda thought that but I didn't know for sure. But I always told anybody that did something to me that I would get them back and something I would tell them how I would do it. But he said that when he got older he didn't want me around and he always had to watch me for my parents. Then it got to be I was just irritating to him. He thought I was weird cause of the stuff I liked to do (like reading and writing in my journals) and that I was always so quiet. But he didn't think he did that much to me. He didn't think it was a bad thing to trick me into taking all of my clothes off and then getting locked out of the house or for him to hit me every time I got close enough for him to hit me. And on and on and on.......
But we talked mostly about the things I did to him. One of the things I remember the best is when I peed on him. I had peed my bed one night when I was little and he showed all of his friends, my sisters friends, and my friends everything. He showed them my underwear, my pjs, and my sheets. So I got back at him in the way I thought was most appropriate. I got up in the middle of the night and stood on a chair next to his bed, and peed all over him while he was asleep. I didn't know that when I peed my bed, he was the one that had to change my sheets and stuff. He told me that the reason he did what he did was to try to stop me from peeing my bed. RIGHT! He was just trying to help me. Again, RIGHT! Well it worked. I didn't pee my bed ever again. I peed his bed though. LOL.
Here's some more things we talked about that I did to him (I would list the things he did to me but there is just so much room on the web and I don't know if there is enough to cover everything he did to me):

1. I threw one of his baseball cleats in the creek a couple of hours before he had to be at a game. He actually didn't get to play because he couldn't get traction in regular running shoes.
2. For about a week, I made sure his tires on his bike were flat. He had to walk it down to the station to air the tires back up. He finally caught me doing that.
3. When I was like 9, I woke him up one morning with a very special "Good Morning". I got my little souvenir Cardinals bat that they give away at some Cardinals games. I snuck over to his bed and I hit him in the stomach with it. Then when he moved to protect his stomach, I hit him in the head a couple of times. He yelled for mom and dad, so I jumped back into my bed and acted like I was asleep. He had 2 knots on his head so it was really hard to act innocent. LOL.
4. When he was a senior, I told him that I was gonna get Dad's shaver ahold of his head when he was asleep and shave a strip right down the middle. He said that he didn't sleep much for about a week after that.
5. One morning after he had used mom's car the night before, I got 2 empty beer cans from my friends house, 1 full can, and 2 empty wine coolers I found sitting outside a convince store (I had actually gotten that stuff a couple of days before but had to wait till he used mom's car and came home late). I put them in the back floorboard behind the drivers seat early in the morning. One of the empties wasn't completely empty (it had a little beer still in it) so I poured it out in the floor under the steering wheel. You could smell beer real good. My parents were not pleased. He was grounded for 3 months. It really put a crimp in his senior year activities.

But for my part, I was only doing what I thought was the best way to stop him from torturing me. If he knew there would be a price to pay for doing something to me, it made him think before he did something. Who knows how bad it would have been if I didn't do the stuff that I did? Who knows what hell I would have went thru if he hadn't been scared of me?

Yep I'm evil and should be destroyed!

A Friend In Need?

This if from 2/06. He posted it before but I thought I would repost it because it is a great example of just how different Kieran looked at the world and the things that went on around him. Sometimes he saw things so different that it got him in trouble or at least made people think there was something wrong with him mentally. But I think he was one of those special people that could see almost everything from every angle. He also loved to freak people out with some of the things he would say.

I was talking to a friend about his dog. It was humping his leg. We discussed this for a minute. I've never had a pet and I don't know how I would act if my pet did that to my leg. It's kind of a weird subject to spend much time on. I got to thinking about it and came up with some things that I think are important. These are my arguments.
First is that it is your pet. He is, alot of time, your best friend and he is in need. Sorry. It's kinda hard not to smile and snicker when I think about letting him do that. But back to the point I was making: if it was another friend you would try anything to help him , right. With in reason. I mean, it's not really hurting anybody. It's just a little embarrassing.
Second is that he has no other form of relief. He can't make a fist. He is stuck in the house, with nothing but your leg. Hey, if that was me, I'd be humping everything that moved and some stuff that didn't.
Third is, what is the alternative. Don't let him do that and the next time your Aunt ______ comes over, he's humping her at Thanksgiving dinner. You know. Or your boss comes over and he goes for the knee. Stop that boy; yeah right. Let him get it out of his system and maybe everybody gets a little peace. Remember that he is your friend and he is hurting.
Fourth is, do you think he would mind if the roles were reversed. He would probably think it an honor to be the subject of your affection.
Ok, I can't say anymore. It's too much already. I do think I'm twisted and to write this blog just proves I'm right. I'm really bored and I hate it when I can't get on line much.

The Pecan Tree

This was from 4/06.

Living here is the worst place I have ever been. For the most part I am here by myself which is a good thing. But they always come home. And on weekends, it's hard being around them. I really don't like my uncle. My aunt is ok somedays but most of the time, she is just there. I try to stay out of their way. I do the stuff that I am supposed to do. I clean up after my self. I do all of my own laundry. I try to cook most of my meals and I clean up after. I even clean up after their meals sometimes. I buy alot of my food and stuff so they don't have to. I do all the yard work. I don't use his riding mower cause he is crazy about that thing. Only he can use it. So I use the push mower. On days when they are at home, I try to be somewhere else. But on rainy days, it's tough to go outside or stay out of their way in the house. If the weather is real bad, I just stay in my room as much as possible. But that doesn't always work. It just seems my uncle looks for things that he can start a fight over.
Usually when we are in close contact, it's very uncomfortable. He is always glaring at me like I have done something to him. And he loves to yell at me when he is having a bad day. A couple of weeks ago, my aunt made dinner. For some reason, he expected me to eat with them. I haven't eaten with them but just a few time when I first came here. Since then, I don't eat with them. But that night, he thought I was eating with them and got mad when I wasn't sitting at the table. He came up to my room and asked me to come down for dinner. I told him thanks but I wasn't hungry. I knew something was wrong. He just had that look. But anyway, I had a plastic ole miss cup from a game that I use to hold pens and stuff. He grabbed it and threw it at me, then told me that they would no longer cook meals for me you little freak. It's not the first time he's done stuff like that or said something like people like me should be put on an island somewhere away from good honest normal people. And today, I accidentally mowed down a little tree (it was like an inch high). When he came home I was still mowing. He came up behind me and hit me in the back of the legs with a stick. I turned around with my fist clinched. He called me a weirdo and pointed at where the little tree was supposed to be. He said that it was a pecan tree that he wanted to grow into a big tree to go along with his other pecan trees. I told him I didn't know it was anything and that I was sorry. He looked at my fist and asked me if I wanted to fight. I told him that if he ever touched me again, one night he would wake up looking at me grinning cause I would have slit his fucking throat. He just stormed off toward the house yelling for my aunt. I finished mowing and went to my room. I took a quick shower, turned out the lights, and layed on my bed till I went to sleep. It's getting to the point where I'm not in the house when they are except at night. During the day if I'm not at school, I stay outside or go walking somewhere/anywhere. These people can't be normal. And I understand why my cousins don't visit much. And if that old man wants to fight, I will fight him. I think he has the weight on me but I think I can take him. I know one thing, if we fight, he will most definitely be hurting when it's over.
Just a couple of more months and I can go home. I can make it, I can make it, I can make it,.......
I've been going to that hill that looks over a bunch of houses again. I like just sitting up there watching the people that live there go about their lives. I still imagine me being part of the family. I know it's kinda creepy and very weird, but it makes things in my life less of a horror show if only for a little while. I don't know anybody that lives there but I have names for all of them according to which family I imagine I am in at the time. I still think they are all part of the same family. They do so much together. They are always grilling out on the weekends with all or almost all of the families there. They have parties alot. It just looks like a great family and extended family. I found an old metal thing (it's one of those things that people use for a closet because they don't have a closet) that doesn't have any holes in it and it makes it perfect to lay under it if its raining. And this is the same hill that looks over the 4-way stop that I like. I have to go about 1/4 of a mile north of that spot and there is the spot that looks over the highway. I sometimes do that too. I can spend hours watching the stuff that goes on at that one intersection. On good days, there is a cop that is using it take care of his quota of tickets. Actually I think it's the same cop that does that stuff. I really need a camcorder with a real good telescopic lens on it. I think I could bust a cop with ease if I just had the equipment.
But most rainy days, I usually just sit in the old shed or sit under the bridge on the highway. The shed is ok. But it's too close to the house for me. The bridge is noisy but it's dry. And I don't have to worry about the shit that goes on at the place I am having to stay.

The Fight

My friend Will was sitting outside when the school bully in training, Stefen, decided he would start up with Will. Will's dad is not a well liked person around here. Everybody knows him and he's done something to just about everybody it seems. The family name is like a curse word here. So most of the crap his dad should get, lands on Will, his little sister, and their mom. The way I look at it is that they have no control over what he did but these people around here are determined to make Will, his sister, and mom's lives as horrible as possible. I just can't go along with that. So when he started his crap, I told him to leave him alone. So Stefen decided I was asking for a fight. I told him that I didn't want to fight but if he was dead set on a fight, I would oblige him. He started telling me everything he was gonna do, so I hit him square in the mouth. Then when he raised up and started toward me, I hit him again, right in the nose. And then followed that with a punch to the stomach. He went down like a sack of bricks. He didn't get up after that for a few minutes. After I was taken to the principles office, he went to see the nurse. I got 3 days of suspension but the principle is a good friend of my dads, so that was the end of it.
But things are so confusing now. Since I got into the fight, I am kinda popular. I'm still the guy that doesn't talk but now it's a cool thing where before it was creepy. I talked before the fight but no one ever noticed it. Now when I say something, other kids actually listen. And people are talking to me now and everybody knows my name.
And I've liked this girl since I got here. She is smart and real good looking. But she's one of those girls that doesn't try to look good, she just does. And I found out that she likes me. Which is cool. I sat with her during 1st break. I bought her a coke. We just talked for a few minutes on the steps outside the side door. It's weird liking a girl. Even weirder is that she really likes me for me. She said that she liked me since the first day but was afraid I wouldn't like her. I also found out that everybody was always talking about me because no one knew anything about me except for I was in Katrina and I was living with my aunt and uncle. They didn't know where my family was, if I had any family, or anything. I just showed up one day almost a month into the school year with clothes that didn't fit and out of style. My aunt and uncle's church was gonna do a money drive for me but I told them not to do that (like I wanted everybody to know any of the stuff about me and my family's situation). But she told me that most everybody just wanted to know who I was and where I was from.
The guy I got into a fight with is the cousin of my online friend Pony. He thought it was funny that I beat up his cousin and didn't know it. But since the fight, he hasn't been that bad of a person. I guess we've kinda got an understanding now. He knows that I won't allow him to do that stuff to someone 2-3 years younger than he is. Now if he wants to try bullying someone his own age and size, he can have at it. I really think his bullying days are over. He wasn't much of one to start with but now that he's been taken down a notch in the school hierarchy, he can't afford to take another beating.
So for about a week I was popular. Then as with everything, it died away. Basketball season is in full swing and our team is supposed to be good this year. And baseball season will be starting up soon and I'm gonna try out for the high school team. I probably won't get on the team but I'm gonna try. The coach usually only chooses Jr's and Sr's, so a freshman has no chance. But I like those odds. I think I can beat them. But being serious, we don't have a underclassman team (B team) so there will be alot of us available for early summer league practices.

Tryouts

This was from 3/06

What a great day? I wrote before that I was thinking about trying out for the baseball team, well I did. There's not that many freshmen that are trying out for the team, there's just 3. Me, this dude names Wayne, (his brother is a Sr), and then the coach's son is trying out at catcher. There has only been 2 Freshmen that has made the team since this coach started here, which has been like 10 years.
The last 2 days have been great. We played 2 intra squad games so the coaches could see us in action. There wasn't a single ball got passed me at 1st base that I could touch, absolutely nothing. Coach even said something about it. When I was in right field, I was perfect. I threw out a couple of base runners that tried to stretch a single into a double. I backed up a play at first base and threw out the runner at second. I made a diving catch and almost threw out the runner trying to get back to second. I even played 3rd for a little while. It's not my best position but the more places I can play, the better chance I have to make the team. And the Coach is known for almost always picking Sr's and Jr's.
I hit good. I didn't hit with much power. I had a couple of doubles and 3 singles during the 2 days. I had 3 rbi's. It was a good average but 1st base and RF are power hitter positions for the most part. And I'm going up against guys that have been here their whole lives and there are 2 Sr's, a Jr, and a Soph trying out for 1st base. And there are 2 Jr's and 2 Sophs trying out for RF, so it's going to be tough to make the team. Cuts are tomorrow, so I will find out then. Wish me luck........

This was the next entry.

I really don't like this place. I didn't make the team even though I was the best 1st baseman on the team. I can hit and I play hard. The coach said that I was the best at that position but I was too young and he couldn't depend on me because I was new. And I didn't have the power that the other (older) players at that position has. Atleast he is consistent. None of the freshmen made the team, even his son. At my old school, I wouldn't have made the team either. But it would have been because I wasn't as good as the others. My old school has alot more players and it would have been probably next year or the next before I would have been able to make the team there. It just makes me mad that I was cut because I wasn't an upperclassman. This place sucks.
Well there's always summer league.

Fire Pit

We finally finished the outside kitchen/party room/spring and fall sleep zone. It's been great. Some nights I watch tv till I fall asleep. We have a couple of hammocks along with a bunch of other seating with some folding tables. Most of the stuff can be put away where it's just an open space. The tv is in a protected cabinet and during the winter we put it away in the house. But now I've been thinking about having a fire pit. We have a place behind the outside kitchen that we build fires with big rocks around the fire. But I want to build a fire pit with rock walls to sit on and have it all covered with a metal roof.
I talked it over with mom and dad. They liked the idea. So me and dad made a plan. We really want to do it right. We are gonna build a rock wall about 2.5 ft high in a circle. Only there will be 3 openings to walk thru. We want the pit where it can be cleaned easier than the other one was. We looked up a lot of different designs but none were what we wanted. So my dad went to work and came back with the design we wanted. Then we went to this guy dad knows that does welding work and we watched him make it. It's like a big square box with a door that opens in the side toward the bottom to get the ashed out. There is a square tray that is welded where the opening is that is big and long enough to use a little shovel to scoop the ashes out. It has a metal top on it so there won't be an opening in the ground. All I will have to do to empty the ashes is open the top of the tray, open the door, and then scoop the ashes out. On the inside, almost at the bottom is a place where grates will go that holds the wood while it's burning. It was cool watching it being built. The bad thing is that we will have to have somebody with some kind of machinery to place it where we are going to put it. It's going to be partially in the ground so we will have to dig everything so it is in the ground at just the right depth.
So first thing was to level the whole place. Then we dug the hole where the fire pit will go. Then we dug the trench for the clean out box (it wasn't that deep). Then the guy used a backhoe to put the thing in place. We filled in around it while we kept it level. When we finished that part, we started on the poles and roof. My dad had gotten 3 12 ft 4x4 poles and 6 8ft 4x4 poles. A neighbor who has a auger on his tractor, drilled the holes. Then we rented a concrete mixer and started pouring the footers. After we had done all 9 footers and put the bolts in the top, we had to let the concrete set up for 2 days.
After the concrete was cured, we put the poles on them using metal brackets. We used 2x4's to keep them in place and level, while we started on the roof. We put on headers on the outside ones. Then we did the headers on the inside ones. Then we put slats that ran opposite to the headers and is what we had to screw the metal to. Then we started putting the metal on. It was hard to do because it was slick and the metal was hard to get the screws to go thru. But we got that done and we even put up gutters on the one side that is next to the outside kitchen. The top of the roof was made to be a round opening about as big as a basketball. There were brackets that stood about a foot above the top of the hole. We put a funnel like thing that didn't have an opening in the top. The bottom was about 2-3 feet across and fit so there was no way it would leak but smoke can get out.
Then we started on the rock walls/seating and the rocks around the pit. This is where the fun became un-fun. We did the rocks around the pit in about 1/2 day. It looks great. It makes it where you can't accidentally touch metal. But the rock wall part wasn't that easy. It took us almost a whole day to do the wall/bench and it was with rocks that were already made to fit in place. Man they were heavy. But when we got it finished, we decided that we didn't like the way the top was. So we took off the top of the wall and got smooth fitted stones to go on top. It made it level and alot easier on the butt. Then we got fitted stones that interlock to make a circle on the ground that went around the whole thing at the edge of the roof like a perimeter. We had to dig all around the thing to put the rocks into it so only about 2 inches of the stone was above the ground. Then we put pea gravel on the ground inside of the whole thing. And it was finished. It only took us a week of hard work but now we have a great looking fire pit that can be used anytime, even while it's raining.
The next night we tried it out. We invited my aunt and uncle and, our neighbor and his family over for dinner. My brother, sister, her husband and Shea came over. We had BBQ ribs, hamburgers, hot dogs, baked beans, slaw, rolls, It was a pretty cool night but with the fire going real good, it was very comfortable. I think I'm gonna like this and we will use it alot. There's nothing like having a fire on cool nights.
So while we were sitting around talking after dinner, my mom said it would be nice if we had actually finished the outdoor kitchen. And I knew that was aimed right at me. I talked my dad out of the plexiglas panes that we were gonna use during the winter. They would fit inside the screen to make it like a sun room for cold days. I thought it would be money spent for something that we would probably never use or if we used them, we would never take them back out (and I like it the way it is now). We talked about it with everybody there giving their opinions. So we ended up agreeing to finish it like we said we would (which in Dad-speak means we start Monday evening).
So let me tell you about this little project. It seems so simple. But it's not. First thing is that we had to have wood trim (like picture frames) on the inside of the screen. They had to be miter cut so they fit perfectly. Then we put weather stripping against that. Then we put the plexiglas against that and then used miter cut 2x2's to hold it in place. Ofcourse we had to use wood sealant cause mom wanted it to look like the rest of the wood (that natural wood look). We had to get 2 new doors to use during the winter. The screen doors were not strong enough to use plexiglas on and they didn't seal good enough. When we got the new doors put up and working right. Then we had to build a rack inside of a closet where all of the panels and 2x2's will be stored when we take them out. That was a pain in the ass. We worked every evening during the week and finally finished Saturday evening. And mom was right, it's nice with all of the windows during a sunny day. It's almost too much sun. But now we can use it year round for just about anything.
And I have decided that we don't need to build anything else for atleast 2 years. Man I'm tired.