I went to my therapist today. What a waste of time! Every time I go it's the same crap and it doesn't make me feel better. He always bring up the subject of death and dying. I really don't know what I should or shouldn't say cause no matter what I say (or don't say) he always starts writing. And his left eye does this little twitch. All of this bothers me. I don't know what it's all about.
A couple of weeks ago, he asked me something like "What is death?". I said that it was when you know longer are alive. No brain function: no sadness, pain, hate, etc. Then he asked me why did I mention sadness, pain, and hate? Why didn't I say happiness, love, or anything that was positive? Why is death a lack of bad things? I asked him did he think that death was the beginning of good things? And as usual, he ignored my question and asked another of his. He asked me was death not also the end of the good things in life? I said yes. Then I got tired of talking about that and told him to quit twisting things that I said. I really hate it when he does that stuff. I don't know for sure but it seems that he tries to make me mad or get me really upset. The thing is that he does cause me to get upset and he also makes me really mad. I've called him a few really choice names and I really hope he wrote them down. After all of the death questions, he then started in about hanging out with friends and talking to girls. Thankfully it was time to leave and I didn't have to deal with that crap.
Last week I went in mainly just to sit and not say anything (gonna do a Good Will Hunting). But after about 10 minutes he started with the death thing again. He said that I never explained why I mentioned sadness and pain. He asked me was there no happiness or anything like that in my life? I said that there was alot of that in my life. Then he asked me if I died, would all of that end or what would happen? Again, he was pushing my buttons, trying to get me mad. And it worked. I told him that he was a co*ksucker and I was really tired of subject. After that I didn't play anymore of his games. I just sit there till it was time to leave. He kept asking me questions but I didn't say anything else.
So today, I went in feeling good. I sat down and he was acting all right. He asked me how was things since our last appointment. I said it's been the same as always. I knew it was one of those questions and that I should have been ready for it (I've been seeing him for like 6 months so I should know better by now), but I opened my mouth. He started asking me questions about everything that went on the past week. Blah blah blah. I tried to keep the answers as short as possible. But then he asked me about Alex. Alex was a friend that I made while I was in the hospital. He was close to my age and he died last spring. Anyway, Doc had to bring that up (I think he's got a spy in my house cause it was weird that he would bring that up a couple of days after I talked to Alex's mom on the phone). I told him that Alex's mom called and we talked for a little while. It was nice. She said that she had been thinking about me and was worried cause we hadn't talked in a few weeks. He asked me did I think that since Alex died, I was going to die. I told him that I had never thought that. Then I told him that he had to be the stupidest therapist on the face of the earth if that was the best he could come up with. I think I really confuse him. He can't figure me out or something, cause as for therapy, this isn't helping me any. Mostly it just pisses me off. Then he asked me if I was ready to explain about how I saw death. I told him that I had said all I was going to say about it. So he started on if I was making any friends or did I have any girl that I was interested in. Of course I hadn't made any new friends and definitely hadn't met any girls. He said some stuff about being a teen and it being difficult to meet girls when you're sick alot. Then he said something like I shouldn't hide from the world and not to use being sick as an excuse to do that. The he did the worst thing in the world. He said that at my age I had urges and that with everything going on with me, I needed to be out in the world. He said it was important for me to be around other people my age and learn how to be a "young adult"............. OK. About this time I was past the point of embarrassment and way past the point of anger. Really, what could be going on his dumbass brain? So I decided to give him something to write down. I told him that I like to go to the mall. When I see a couple of good looking girls, I stalk them all around the mall for a while. Then I go into the women’s section of Belk's and molested the bras and panties in that section of the store. Then I go to the shoe departmrnt and polished my chub into a penny loafer. After that, I go to the food court and get something to eat, and sit down by some kids my age and act like I am part of their group.
A couple of weeks ago, he asked me something like "What is death?". I said that it was when you know longer are alive. No brain function: no sadness, pain, hate, etc. Then he asked me why did I mention sadness, pain, and hate? Why didn't I say happiness, love, or anything that was positive? Why is death a lack of bad things? I asked him did he think that death was the beginning of good things? And as usual, he ignored my question and asked another of his. He asked me was death not also the end of the good things in life? I said yes. Then I got tired of talking about that and told him to quit twisting things that I said. I really hate it when he does that stuff. I don't know for sure but it seems that he tries to make me mad or get me really upset. The thing is that he does cause me to get upset and he also makes me really mad. I've called him a few really choice names and I really hope he wrote them down. After all of the death questions, he then started in about hanging out with friends and talking to girls. Thankfully it was time to leave and I didn't have to deal with that crap.
Last week I went in mainly just to sit and not say anything (gonna do a Good Will Hunting). But after about 10 minutes he started with the death thing again. He said that I never explained why I mentioned sadness and pain. He asked me was there no happiness or anything like that in my life? I said that there was alot of that in my life. Then he asked me if I died, would all of that end or what would happen? Again, he was pushing my buttons, trying to get me mad. And it worked. I told him that he was a co*ksucker and I was really tired of subject. After that I didn't play anymore of his games. I just sit there till it was time to leave. He kept asking me questions but I didn't say anything else.
So today, I went in feeling good. I sat down and he was acting all right. He asked me how was things since our last appointment. I said it's been the same as always. I knew it was one of those questions and that I should have been ready for it (I've been seeing him for like 6 months so I should know better by now), but I opened my mouth. He started asking me questions about everything that went on the past week. Blah blah blah. I tried to keep the answers as short as possible. But then he asked me about Alex. Alex was a friend that I made while I was in the hospital. He was close to my age and he died last spring. Anyway, Doc had to bring that up (I think he's got a spy in my house cause it was weird that he would bring that up a couple of days after I talked to Alex's mom on the phone). I told him that Alex's mom called and we talked for a little while. It was nice. She said that she had been thinking about me and was worried cause we hadn't talked in a few weeks. He asked me did I think that since Alex died, I was going to die. I told him that I had never thought that. Then I told him that he had to be the stupidest therapist on the face of the earth if that was the best he could come up with. I think I really confuse him. He can't figure me out or something, cause as for therapy, this isn't helping me any. Mostly it just pisses me off. Then he asked me if I was ready to explain about how I saw death. I told him that I had said all I was going to say about it. So he started on if I was making any friends or did I have any girl that I was interested in. Of course I hadn't made any new friends and definitely hadn't met any girls. He said some stuff about being a teen and it being difficult to meet girls when you're sick alot. Then he said something like I shouldn't hide from the world and not to use being sick as an excuse to do that. The he did the worst thing in the world. He said that at my age I had urges and that with everything going on with me, I needed to be out in the world. He said it was important for me to be around other people my age and learn how to be a "young adult"............. OK. About this time I was past the point of embarrassment and way past the point of anger. Really, what could be going on his dumbass brain? So I decided to give him something to write down. I told him that I like to go to the mall. When I see a couple of good looking girls, I stalk them all around the mall for a while. Then I go into the women’s section of Belk's and molested the bras and panties in that section of the store. Then I go to the shoe departmrnt and polished my chub into a penny loafer. After that, I go to the food court and get something to eat, and sit down by some kids my age and act like I am part of their group.
Then I looked at him and asked him if that was what he wanted to hear. Then I got up and left. I went outside and told mom that it was time to go home. On the way home, I asked her if she was spying on me for him between my appointments. She said that she had talked to him a couple of time but it wasn't spying, just trying to help him help me. I was really mad (actually I am still real mad) and I told her that I was thru with this crap. I told her that I don't like being set up and that I really don't like this stuff from people that I am suppose to trust.
I guess that I do need therapy cause of the way I lose it sometimes. As I have been told, “I have issues that need to be dealt with". But maybe this therapist isn't the right one to help me with those "issues". Right now, he is one of those issues.............. Most of the time, nothing in my life makes sense and no one understands me. I have a hard time understanding me. And right now, I don't need people playing games with me.
Tool - Stinkfist
I guess that I do need therapy cause of the way I lose it sometimes. As I have been told, “I have issues that need to be dealt with". But maybe this therapist isn't the right one to help me with those "issues". Right now, he is one of those issues.............. Most of the time, nothing in my life makes sense and no one understands me. I have a hard time understanding me. And right now, I don't need people playing games with me.
Tool - Stinkfist

