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What's Been Going On With Me

Hey everybody. So it's been along time between post. I've been real busy and just haven't been able to get online. I had a relapse and kinda went thru alot of stuff. My treatments after the relapse didn't go the way everybody was hopeing and now I waiting for a BMT. The only problem with that is that my sister is pregs again and my brother has something wrong with his liver. And so far there has been no donor matches. Oh well.
I stopped the treatments for now since they are doing nothing for me except make me sick. We went to my uncle and aunts house in Idaho for a couple of weeks. My sister, brother, nephew, brother-in-law, aunt, uncle, and cousins were here for the last part over Thanksgiving. I got to ski alittle. It wasn't a huge mountain run or anything, but it was awesome. I couldn't do it but a couple of times cause it made me tired quick. But man I like snow. We went to this hot spring and I got into the pool for awhile. It was weird with snow on the ground and I was siting in a pool. But it was great. It was just a great time.
I got an early Christmas present, something that was completely mind blowing. I didn't have a clue and wouldn't have ever dreamed of it. My dad, mom, Jake and me went to London and then got on a train to Manchester. My Doc has a friend that lives in Manchester and he met us when we got there and to kinda check on me while I was there. When we got there, I thought we were going to a hospital to get another doc to see if they had different treatments. We went to the doc (who is American and working for a year in Mancherster) and got checked out and then went to our hotel room. The next morning, the doc came to our rooms to pick us up in this super cool Mercedes sedan. Wow. We went to this like interstate and he let me drive. Man I want 1 or 2 those. Driving that thing has got to be better than sex. I think I had a boner the whole time I was driving and I wasn't embarrassed at all. I drove for about 30 miles to this closed road course. It's like a testing ground and is like a big race track. He let me drive real fast. I got it over 193 kph (120 mph). It felt like 1000 mph. After that, we went to his house for lunch. We all got to rest and just sat around the talk. He has a super nice place. Completey British. It had a library, garden, a game room, sitting room, etc. I got to take a nap and then shower. When I went into this bedroom to dress, there was some packages on this bench thing at the end of the bed for me. The note on then said that these were the clothes I should wear for the rest of the day. So I opened them and they were super nice clothes like things you would never wear in Mississippi. Dress slacks, dress shirt, tie, dress socks and shoes. I put them on and then a pullover Manchester United sweater that was like probably the most British thing except for a dress coat that I could ever thought of. Then there was a Manchester United scarf and an over coat that had this thin lining in it that made it real warm. I was like WOW. I think I even had a British accent by then. So I dressed and went down to where everybody was. My dad and Jake were dressed similar. Mom was dressed up in new stuff and looked great. Doc asked me if I was ready to go sightseeing and I said ofcourse. He asked where I wanted to go and I said that I want to go to see Barnsley (because that is were one side of my Mom's family came from), Old Trafford (ofcourse), and the Mersey. So we took off for a day of adventure. I got to see alot of stuff over the next couple of days but that day we went to Old Trafford (The Theater Of Dreams). When we got there, there were a huge amount of people everywhere. The doc parked the car and we got out. Then he pulled an envolope out of his pocket and which had tickets to that days Carling cup match with Blackburn. I could have died right then and been the happiest person on the planet. Tevez scored 4 and Nani had 1 in a win. Man what a day, what an amazing place and what a great family. After the match, on the way back to the hotel, I lost it big time. I really don't think they knew what everything they have done for me has meant to me and especially this. I rested the next day, didn't even leave the room. Then the next day we went to Barnsley, and a few other places. We left the next day for Ireland. We went to Belfast (didnt like it), Limrick (loved it), Galway (want to live there for ever), and Cork (Awesome place). And wow, WOW. I could have died in Ireland and everything would have been prefect. And I could have stayed a hundred years and still not see everything I would have wanted to see. The most beautiful place on earth. Ireland is heaven. The people are the best. But it had to end. I hated to leave but it was time. I was getting tired so easy and the food didnt sit good with me at all. Even though, fish and chips are very good. But those meat pies and things are not for me though. So I came back home. So that is what I have been up to.
Well got to go.
TTYL
Kieran

My name is Jake and I'm a cousin of Kierans. This is not as easy as I thought it would it would be but he passed away in January. He wrote a letter and gave it to his mom to give to me. She didn't give it to me until Monday and it's taken me this long to do it. I couldnt find his yahoo page but this one is still here. He wanted this posted on his Yahoo profile and on here. So I guess this will have to do. There were a few messages he wanted to pass along to some of his friends but I don't know how to get into touch with them. So I'm gonna list them here and hope that you will leave a comment on here with a way I can pass along his messages.
Bri
Bry (Punk)
Sun Dog
Larry
Derek
Myra
Clumsy Ninja (K)
Luke
Please leave an email address.

The St. Louis Cardinals, yep it's that time again.

I'm not the cheery, glass half full kinda guy. Most of the time, in situations where most people see a glass half full or half empty, I just see another dirty glass. I do want to see things half full though. I like the optimism. But even more than that, I like to make fun of the negative point of view: even mine. Because at the end of the day, having a negative outlook is depressing and ugly. Always looking at the worst aspect of something will always leave the impression of something bad.

I enjoy sports but I love Ole Miss, baseball, and soccer. My love for these sports (mainly St. Louis Cardinals, Ole Miss everything, and Manchester United) is not something that I depend on to make my life meaningful or complete. It's more like "it is what it is". It's not something that can be explained easily or completely. I'm obsessed, very loyal, and stubborn. But only to a point. I don't care about management, governing bodies, owners, or anything else that goes with the normal sporting view of things. Those are meaningless things to me. That point of those things is business and it's not part of my life unless I let it. I don't have to have a championship every season. I don't have to have a win for my happiness or my enjoyment of my teams, but it's always a plus. LOL. I'm more than a win only fan. I'm loyal remember.

All winter I have been keeping up with a few of the Cardinal sights that I like and a few I can't stand (Cards Talk). I like reading fan blogs and keeping up with what other people think. I have never been one of those people that goes with the flow. Heck, I will sometimes change sides just to be a pain in the ass. I have been known to argue a point that I hate just because I felt it didn't have enough support. LOL. But that's not the case this time. This time, this is how I feel. The world will end March 31 of this year. It's all over. Bring on the angels, the burning in hell thing, and all of that eternal life stuff. Just kidding. But it's how things seem from what I read on alot of Cardinal sites. The gloom and doom. The overly pessimestic outlook on everything Cardinals. The "why me" complex. The "they owe me"crap. It's all way toooooooooooo freaking much whinning about a season that doesn't start for over a month. For the most part, it seems, for most people this season will be a postive season only if we lose a 100 games. It's like they have gotten so negative, that they will be happy to be right. Everything is a slap in the face. There is no judgement but theirs. They are the only people that have the ability to judge talent. They will look to places that have been wrong in the past in predictions about the Cards (and usually don't want to acknowledge anybody outside of the east coast), to show how right they are about this team. ESPN is saying this team is horrible. I was reading on this blog where they used this as an example of the state of the Cardinal Nation. ESPN has it's viewing audience and the people that make ESPN popular, and it's not any team from west of the Mississippi River. But it's sad to see things like this. This is just a game. Don't make it into more because then it will be a business, and I don't want my part of this to be a business. I want the game. Nothing more. The game is all I need or want.

The grass isn't greener over there. The grass is always the greenest in Cardinal Red. The Cardinals are always going to be the best. I don't look at another team and have wet dreams over their players. When a player is a Cardinal, he's like a part of my family (as long as he doesn't abuse my trust). The team doesn't owe me anything. I have gotten more from my teams that I will ever be able to repay. So I don't understand alot of the stuff I read. Alot of Cardinal fans feel they are owed. The Cosmos owes them. Everything owes them. I own them. Well they need to just get in line, cause it seems that everybody today feels like they are owed everything. I just don't feel that way.
I don't feel betrayed by the ownership cause I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT THEM. They are not the Cardinals, they just have control over the money. That's such a small thing in my view. But for some people, it's all that matters. They live for the token word from ownership. It's more important that any game. It's more important that any player. It's the WORD. They then spend hours, days, weeks, months comming up with something to show the horrorfying ownership's lack of baseball etiquette. They live for the moment they can show that the owners are businessmen. Their daily motivation is to show us just how un-Cardinal the owners are (as if I gave a shit). It's beyond me but I guess that's life. I probably won't understand everything in life completely, even if I wanted to. But at the end of the day, I know that I am loyal, true, and will always support my teams: GOOD OR BAD.

It's Alive, oh no..........

Yep, I'm still above ground. LOL.

I guess I just needed a break, get my head right (that sounds like something my Dad would say). Actually it kinda sounded like something from a movie where these stoners were talking about getting high. LOL. But it's true I guess. I got real depressed and just felt crappy all the time. Everything was so depressing and hard to deal with. I just kinda checked out for a little while. No big thing. LIFE, IT'S SOMETHING THAT IS FREE, BUT IF YOU TRY TO END IT, THEY LOCK YOUR BUTT UP. I'm not cheerful or anything now, but I'm better than I was. Maybe I should call Brian McNamee for a shot of some feel good stuff. Knowing my luck, I would get sicker or get busted. Then I would probably have to testify before Congress. And all of that. LOL.
Last week was kinda exciting around my part of the world. The Mall that we have to go by on our way out of Memphis (when or if I get to go home), was hit by a tornado. It was a pretty cool storm around here. I know that there was alot of people killed because of tornadoes that day, but it was still cool. It was pretty intense at home from what my Mom said. There was alot of tornadoes that hit south of my house. They kinda went over but didn't hit where I live. But all I know is that when the storms hit at the apartment, the wind was howling like crazy. And I know crazy howling wind. LOL.
Man it felt like spring the last couple of days. It feels like baseball. I can't wait till the games begin. My favorite time of the year. I wish I could play but that's life. I just hope I can catch a few Memphis Redbirds games while I'm stuck here. And now that my buddy Zek has a drivers license, he can drive me around. That will be a plus. He can drive my Dad's truck and we can get out and do stuff. Maybe.

FORE

I want somebody that I can talk to about stuff. Somebody who is or has gone thru this. The information I get from the Docs and reading up on it on the internet isn't helping that much. I want to get first hand info from someone who doesn't mind talking about it with me. But again I don't want to go thru the hospital for that. I've thought about trying to find someone on here to discuss it with them. I want to know what the next steps are if this cycle doesn't work. I want to know the effects it will have on me. There are so many questions I want answered. I"m starting to get scared.

Year in Review

OK, my 2007. It sucked. 07 started with nose bleeds, headaches, alot of aches and pains, sleeping alot, bruises, throwing up, etc. And the year ended with pretty much the same crap. Wow, it's been a great year. And 2008 isn't starting out that great. I fell out of my Dad's truck and bounced off of the car in the next parking space the other day (I wonder if insurance covers that cause I left a dent in the door of the other car). I opened the door and I just couldn't stop (it must have been my big head). Then yesterday I tripped over a painted line on the floor at the grocery store and did a head first slide on the floor (but I was SAFE, there was no tag). And just about everytime I walk for more than a few minute, I get sick at my stomach. Man am I pitiful or what? And I thought I was done with the dizziness. Typical. Just when things seem to be getting better, it doesn't last long. I'm really really tired of everything. Somedays I just want to quit. But I can't say that to my parents or to anybody around me. I've tried to talk to my parents about it but I don't think they want to hear it. I wouldn't mind telling them that I'm frustrated, tired, and tired of being sick all the time. It's not that I am going to quit or I would quit if I could, it's just I wouldn't mind talking to them about it like an adult. It's like I have a role to play: their baby boy. I guess I kinda just faded out in the information and decision part of all of this. I allowed them (my Mom mainly) to make all decisions without my input for too long. Now it's like I can't discuss any of it with them. I think they feel better with me just whining, bitching, and moaning like a brat.
This really sucks. I still think it would be better if the docs would put me in a coma while I'm taking treatments. Sleep thru it. LOL. Oh to dream it away. Maybe I would wake up with some mental ability other than being a dumbass. LOL. Nah, I'm not that lucky. I'd wake up being more of a dumbass.

Now for the muscial part of the program.
Someone finally made a video of Whale and Wasp. This song is too good, one of my favorites. I like to lay in bed and listen to it on repeat. But I like to do that with the whole CD.

Alice in Chains - Whale and Wasp

The Special One

If you don't know who Jose Mourinho is or keep up with English soccer, you may not find this too funny. But these are well done and are way to close to real life. Hope ya'll enjoy...

The Whitest Kids U'Know

Yesterday I got to watching these guys on IFC. I've seen these guys before on FUSE but never really payed attention. Not all of their stuff is that funny, just dumb in a real dumb way but they have some real funny stuff. And they are not politically correct in anyway. Hope ya'll enjoy.

New Year

Sometimes my parents make me laugh. My Mom didn't throw a fit about not having Christmas at home. I know she wanted me to be home but it was ok. But to start the new year, I had to be at home: something about where you spend the night is where you will spend the next year. So we went home for the night. LOL. Today we had blackeyed peas and cornbread: to bring good luck for the new year. We are way too redneck sometimes.

For A Few Laughs

No Words Needed

This Taste Funny

You'd Be In A Bad Mood Too If You Had A Load In Your Drawers

Hummmmmmmmm, Where'd It Go?

Thanks Anyway But I'll Wait For The Next Taxi.

Double Fault, Fault, Foot Fault, Holding, Double Dribble, Offsides, Diving, Wardrobe Malfunction, 1st Degree Assault and Battery, Strike 3, and Illegal Use Of Ugliness. Game, Set, and Match Due To Extreme Fatassedness.

She Lost Her Head During This Performance

Watch out, She's Gonna Blow