Short Entries #2

• Last May we were at a neighbor's house for a cook out. Some of the moms were in the kitchen cooking the food that wasn't cooked on the grills and getting everything set up for the stampede. Me, Josh, and Jeremy were in the den watching something on TV. For the most part, we were just there cause we wanted to be the first in line cause we were hungry. I don't think the moms knew we were there or that we were listening to them cause they were talking about us. Anyway, one of them told my mom that I was the most beautiful boy that she had ever seen. And one of the other moms (a teacher at my school) said that she agreed. The second one said that I was the most popular kid in my class and that I could get away with murder at school. She said that all the girls were in love with me and that there was no one that didn't like me. About that time, one of the men came in with some of the hamburgers, chicken, and ribs. So they told everybody that it was time to start eating. So we fixed our plates and went out under a tree that had a few lawn chairs and a little table. My butt wasn't in the chair 10 seconds when Josh and Jeremy started in with the beautiful stuff. "You're so beautiful". "I love you, Kieran''. Blah blah blah. Man. Adults really don't have a clue. They don't understand that stuff like that can and will be used against me. And what does "beautiful boy" actually mean? Is it my looks? Is it that I'm a great person and have this irresistible personality? Do I just look good in my jeans? I still don't understand that crap. I'm sorry but there must have been some alcohol or major drugs being used in that kitchen cause anybody that thinks I'm the most beautiful boy they have ever seen has some major problems. And the mom that was a teacher has a warped view of that school and me. I wasn't the most popular kid in my class. I wasn't being chased by all of the girls. There were plenty of kids that didn't like me. I didn't have but 3 friends. I was probably the least popular kid in my class. Jeremy and Josh were very popular. I was just there hanging around with them. I may have gotten away with some stuff at school but I got into trouble sometimes. I was probably in trouble more than Josh and Jeremy, and everything that I got into trouble for they were involved in also. So I think maybe I got away with less than they did.
  But it still bothers me. I don't like the idea that people see me as a pretty boy or anything like that. I think I look all right but I'm not beautiful. Man Josh and Jeremy didn't let me forget about that either. They started calling me BB (Beautiful Boy) for a few months after that. They were definitely assholes at times.
  
• This asshole 11th grader was walking in the hallway with his little group of friends. When they went by me, he reached out and knocked my books out of my hands. They all started laughing and calling me a klutz. It really pissed me off. I went after him but a couple of teachers stopped anything from happening. But I told him that I would get him back. Maybe piss through the vent in his locker or something. I'm not gonna do that but I was so mad at that moment that I was capable of doing just about anything. I will get him back in someway. I don't forget.
  But I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Most kids my age just put up with this stuff from the older guys. It's like part of being in high school but I don't go along with that stuff. I think I have a wire crossed or something. Even if I get my ass whooped I will keep at it till I get even.
  
• It’s getting close to Christmas. It’s probably gonna be a crappy Christmas and I will be by myself mostly. I don’t want to be involved with my Aunt and Uncle’s Christmas crap. My cousins will be in and it will feel like I’m the odd person out in the whole situation. Plus they are really starting to be weird. My uncle hasn’t been very friendly since I got here and now my aunt is starting to be flaky when I’m around. I have to stay in the attic while my cousins are here. That is gonna suck. Maybe they will just ignore me and just leave me out of the whole thing. That will be too much to wish for. My uncle will be pissed at me if I’m involved and he will be pissed if I’m not involved. So it’s gonna be a lose/lose situation. I wish mom and dad could be here but I don’t think it will happen. Oh well, live sucks and then it sucks a little more.
  
• My English teacher is really great. Man I wish all teachers were like her. She has been the only person that has acted like I was a real person since I got here. She even likes my blog. It's weird having somebody that I know irl looking at my blog but she is cool. I really need to be careful about what I write about. Somethings should stay private.
  
• We went to Shiloh National Battlefield today. It was AWESOME. There probably wasn't 5 kids out of the 30-40 that went that actually cared about it. But to me it was one of the best times I have had on a school trip. There was so much death and unbelievable amount of violence that it's crazy that I find it cool. But the history was everywhere. The tactical part of the battle and the way it was fought on such a large area. It was great. It's not the first time I've been to it but this was the first time we had a guide that explained things to us. There were some guys in the back that kept making stupid remarks and asking even stupider questions, but even with that it was great. The only part of it that I didn't like was the cheesy stuff that they sell there. To me it makes it cheap with that many Americans buried all around the place. There was no way I was going to buy any of that crap even if it, from what they said, was to help support the park. I'm not that dumb.
  
• My teacher still follows me into the bathroom even after all of the crap that went on. Every time I go in and he follows or is in there, I just turn around and leave. I've also seen him walking by my aunt and uncle's house a few times. Yesterday was the second time in the last week that I've seen him out on the road in front of the house. If he thinks I'm going to have anything to do with him, he's crazy. I should get my uncle's shotgun and fire off a few shots over his head, or maybe throw a couple of rocks at him. But I'm not going to do that. I went out and told him to leave me alone. I'm not blaming him for any of the stuff that happened because I'm a big boy, I just think he's a scumbag and I don't want to be around him outside of class. So today his pervert cop buddy came by when I was at the end of the drive. He told me that my teacher was his friend and that it was best if I didn't talk about things. He said that he could really cause me alot of trouble if I started telling lies about them, so I should really be careful what I say and do. He was touching his gun when he was talking so I completely understood but I thought it was a little over the top with the gun stuff.
  
• Can't wait till school is out and I am out of here. This whole place can kiss my ass especially the 2 assholes that are my aunt and uncle. Hope they rot in hell.
  
• I got into a argument with Sissy today. It started out as nothing. I was trying to be supportive. I was telling her that she should go back and get her degree and stop letting her husband tell her what she can and can’t do. Mom and Dad told her that they would help her with Shea. They would pay everything that a grant wouldn’t cover. They would also take care of her car, books, food, and whatever else she would need. I was just trying to tell her that it can't get any better than that. It would still be a major thing cause it would mean alot of traveling which would mean alot of time away from the fam. Then when she was at home, she would need time to study. She was really freaking out cause she felt like we were pushing her too hard and maybe she was right. But she didn't need to start in on me. I think I'll survive but she can really cut you up when she gets pissed at you. Man.....I’m gonna stop being a nice guy cause it doesn’t cause anything but trouble.
  
• I thought I was going to jail today and it wasn't something I did. I went with Mom to Walmart. We were doing the grocery thing which is a big pain cause I could really care less about shopping. We were in the isle that has candy and there was a lady with a couple of little boys right in front of us. Anyway, the kids were going crazy and the lady was one of those constantly pissed-off people and was yelling at the kids. Then she started grabbing the kids and being really psychotic. She grabbed the older boy by the arm and jerked real hard, hard enough that he was flying thru the air and hit his head on the cart. My mom went off on the lady. I'm being serious, she went off like a Meryl Streep/Clint Eastwood/Carrot Top combo. The store security got involved and didn't help at all. Then a couple of cops showed up and made it worse. Mom got even madder when one of the cops asked the other lady if she was alright. Mom told them to check if the kids were alright cause the lady was throwing them around the isle like dolls. They finally looked at the security cameras and saw that mom wasn't the one that was the problem. But we were told that it was best if we went home. Man we were thrown out of Walmart. I didn't know you could be thrown out of a Walmart until you were out of money. You know, there has to be a joke in there somewhere.

1. You know you're a redneck when you are thrown out of a Walmart.
2. What do you give to someone that has been thrown out of a Walmart? You give them the "White Trash Of The Year" award.
   

For a week, there has been this drama going on over this coach/teacher near home. He was at a school close to Kieran's last school for like 28 years. There has been a big thing because he was so respected and was such a big part of the town and school. I read about it in the newspaper and the first thing that hit me was that he was a math teacher and he liked teen aged boys. The first thought that went thru my head is Kieran. But that teacher was never at Kieran's school. But it's weird. Something must be in the water or something with so many math teachers/coachs doing this.

Some Of Kieran's Shorter Entries

I decided to put some of his short entries on here. They are just a sentence or a short paragraph but you get what was going on with him at that time. They are from different times and are mixed up in order. I messed up when I was writing them down and there are so many that I can't go back to a certain entry.

• Last night was sex night for my aunt and uncle. I knew it was gonna be a bad night when my uncle came home early. As soon as he pulled into the drive way, I went to my room to hide. Every time they have one of their “special” nights, it’s the same thing. He comes home early. He takes a shower. Then he takes one of his hard on pills. They eat dinner. Then they go into the den and make out till his pill takes effect (I made the mistake of coming out of my room one night when he was walking from the den to their bedroom, he was walking thru the hallway with a boner). Since then, I always stay in my room from the time he gets home till the next morning. Usually I have earphones on so I don’t have to hear the old people sex sounds. I can’t wait to get out of here. I hate it. I’ve actually thought about stealing something like a car or breaking into somebodies house, so I could get sent somewhere, anywhere.
• I'm in trouble again. I went to this place overlooking the highway this morning. It's on a hill on the edge of a field. I was just killing time. I didn't want to be here cause my aunt and uncle are home all day. But I layed back and was looking at the clouds. I accidently fell asleep. I didn't come back till dark and the uncle was mad cause my parents called while I was gone. So I missed being able to talk to my parents but I get to sit around being looked at like a criminal by this asshole after he yelled at me for like an hour. Hate the old bastard. Really Really hate him.
• Will has been acting weird lately. I don’t know what is up with him. I’m glad that he’s got friends and that things have really got better for them. I think it’s better that he hangs with kids his own age but it’s still weird the way he avoids me now. I don’t know……
• I really don't like living here with these people. My uncle is strange and sometimes I think he's got some real mental issues. It's not that bad during the week but on the weekends, it's bad. It's like he blames me for everything that happens that he doesn't like during that time. And he has some weird ways of making a point. He really likes to make me uncomfortable. He says things and does things that isn't a threat but they just don't fit the situation. He was complaining all day that they couldn't go away for the weekend because of me. So what does he do to show that I am the cause of this? He goes into the bathroom while I'm taking a shower. He takes my clothes, the towels and everything out of the bathroom. Then he sits down on the toilet with a knife, and acts like he's scraping the dirt out from under his finger nails. I have to get out of the shower and walk to hall closet next to my room to get a towel. Maybe he just wanted to see what a real guy or a real good looking guy looks like naked. He got a good look at the whole package and I probably had half a stiffy cause of the hot water and all. Hope he enjoyed the show.
• I hate my history teacher and his dumb class. He’s such a moron. I don’t mind that some people have a different view of history. I don’t mind that they try to teach it. I do mind when they dismiss somebody’s view just because it is from a kid especially when the kid backs it up. Everybody has an opinion on Vietnam but I have a major problem when a teacher has a simplistic view (this side is wrong, this side is right). I tried to explain that it was never as simple as that. Nobody was right and everybody was wrong. There was so much wrong about the whole thing that there could never be anything right about it. I layed out my examples and explained why I said that everybody was wrong. He told me that I was wrong and then said that America was on the right side because we were there to help the democratic government hold on to power from the Soviet backed Chinese Communist. I understood then that there was no way I could ever discuss anything with him cause he’s a moron. I was about to get mad and really start argueing but my nose started bleeding. I hate it when that happens cause everybody thinks I’ve been picking my nose in class. I went to the bathroom and then went to see the nurse. I got to miss my next class, which was a plus. But the bad part is that the nurse is gonna call mom and dad cause of all the nose bleeds I’ve had lately. Oh well.
• Man I hate being wrong. I got into an argument on line yesterday and I couldn’t quit. I know that I was wrrrrrrrong but I wasn’t gonna give in. Ever….. Yeah, I’m a dumbass. That sounds like a great song title.
• I quit drinking Mountain Dew. I noticed when I drink one before school, I have to pee atleast 2 times before 1st break. Same with tea on Sundays. It's a mistake to drink tea before church services. That stuff works thru you way too fast. And no more beans on Sundays. They really start popping Monday and last all day long. Nahhhh. I'm not quitting beans, they're too much fun and I like them. Everybody else will just have to deal with it.

Beans Beans, good for your heart;

The more you eat 'em, the more you fart.

• Cody, Jake, the moms, and me were eating lunch today. Mom was talking about how I would sometimes start preaching to her about things even when I was like 8-9-10 years old. She said that one day I was preaching about her speeding and driving without a seatbelt on. She told me that I should stop acting like an adult and start acting like a 12 year old. She said I said that I hadn’t been a 12 year old since I was 5. LOL. I can be a real smartass sometimes.