I don't know if this was posted on his other blog but I thought it was a good entry about how he felt during that time. It was just after Hurricane Katrina and I know from when we talked about that time and what I have read in his journals that he felt very alone.
The day before yesterday I got into a little scuffle with this guy. He's a Junior and is real popular. He was just playing around but he picked the wrong person on the wrong day to mess with. He tried to pull my shorts and underwear down in front of everybody in the hallway. I jerked away from him and dropped my books, Then I turned around and pushed him real hard. He tripped over somebodys foot and hit his head on the corner of the doorway. He had to get stitches cause it busted his head open. Everybody likes him and I'm just this weird kid that doesn't talk to anybody. So it was all my fault.
So yesterday was the longest day of school I have ever had. I didn't say a single word the whole day to anybody. No one said a single word to me except for 1 teacher which was kind of weird cause it was in the boys bathroom. I was peeing and he came in, and stood next to me. He asked me if I understood the word problems we went over during class. I just shrugged my shoulders, zipped up and left. He's the only teacher that ever says anything more than just the minimum to me, but it's kinda weird when he uses our bathroom and especially when he talks to me when I'm peeing. But he's mostly cool for a teacher and I think he is trying to help me adjust to living here. He doesn't ignore me and he is always friendly.
But for the most part, I am invisible and a huge loser. I've been here 3 months and I don't think anybody knows my name except for my teachers. I think if I jumped off the building or was in some kind of a horrible accident, there would be no one at this school that would even think anything of it.
But to start the next day off right, my aunt and uncle left that morning at like 5 am so they could drive to Memphis. So when I got up I was all alone. Then when I got on the bus, there were just a couple of other kids on it. I sat down and rode that way to school. No one sat by me, said anything to me or even looked at me. I sat in homeroom, 1st period, and 2nd period like I was the only person in the room. During 1st break, I got a coke and sat on the steps outside of the side door. Then 3rd period and 4th period were the same as the first. During lunch, I got a coke and a bag of chips, and went to the computer lab. I sat by the windows watching everybody outside. The rest of the day was the same. In studyhall, it was like I was a leper or something. No one got within 10 feet of me. Then on the bus ride home, I sat by myself again. When I got home, no one was there which wasn't a bad thing. I don't really like my uncle that much cause he makes it plain that he doesn't like me being around him. My aunt is dumb as dirt most of the time. Her beliefs are what my uncles are. She acts like him and does whatever my uncle says. So I guess there was one thing that went right for me even though I would have really liked to have had someone just to talk to me (that wasn't while I was using the bathroom).
I went online, but no one was on (I was really hoping Pony or D would be on but they weren't). I even tried to call my parents just to talk but I didn't get an answer. I ate dinner and sat in my room listening to music till about 10, then finally just went to bed. I heard my aunt and uncle come home about midnight, but didn't want to talk to them. I didn't want to ruin their perfect day by reminding them I was here and still alive.
Actually yesterday wasn't any different than any day I have had since I got here. Man I hate this school and I really hate living in this house with these people. I don't think death could be worse than this.
I want to go home.........
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Seth
He had a heading on this to not post it till the right time. I guess it's the right time.
I hardly ever get online anymore. It's hard to joke around and act like everything is great. And I don't want to talk about how bad I feel constantly cause it's not something anybody wants to hear. I think some know how sick I am most of the time or they have an idea. But I hate answering "How are you feeling" or "How's things going with your treatments". I really don't want them to know how bad things are. I don't want them to know how sick I am from the treatments. I guess I need to write about it more in mu blog but it's hard to do that without making everybody feel bad. Plus it gets old when someone who is sick always talks about being sick. It's not like I'm the only person having problems in the world or like none of my friends don't have their own problems to deal with. I guess I need to write a little more but I just don't want to over do it.
For the most part, I spend my time hanging with Seth when I'm able. Seth is so funny sometimes. I thought I was the person with the least amount of world experience but he is worse than I am. Pretty much all he knows is his house and the hospital stuff. He knows almost nothing about music. He knows nothing about any good movies cause all he ever sees are family movies. I don't think he's ever seen a R rated movie and probably very few PG movies. He used to watch alot of tv but since I got here, he doesn't watch that much. We are able to be out of bed, we are usually trying to cause trouble.
We talk alot and about everything. He is always asking me about stuff especially sex (like I have so much experience). But he just doesn't know anything much. Sometimes we actually talk about beating off which I can't think of ever talking about that with another person beyond what I have had to say to my docs. But it's not like a weird talk but just us talking about things that is kinda important to us right now. I told him about liking guys and stuff cause he likes to see other guys naked (he told me that he didn't accidentally walk in when he saw me naked the first time, he didn't cause he wanted to see me naked to see what I looked like). I also told him that I think I like girls too. He said that he likes girls but he thinks he likes guys too. I told him that I think most guys like both girls and guys, but just won't admit it because of it being such a horrible thing in this uptight world we live in.
And let me tell you, Seth is one good looking dude even as sick as he is. He's smart and has a great sense of humor. He's always ready to cause trouble. He's like 4 inches shorter than me and like a year younger than me, but he is hung like a horse. He's looks like he's 10 but he's 14 (almost 15). But his wiener is like huge. He almost has that old guy dangle to it, where it kinda points downward (I guess mine doesn't weigh enough to do that). But I am very intimidated by him. He's seen me naked before and I know he probably laughed about how little mine is compared to his. And now I know why the nurses like giving him sponge baths (kidding). He told me about getting in the whirlpool tub and when he got out, he had a boner (he had trunks on). And the dude that was helping him out of the tub, saw it too. He said that it was poking out big time. Then when they went to where you dress and he was really not wanting to take his trunks off cause he was embarrassed about it. But the dude told him that it happens to just about every guy that gets into real warm water with it swirling around. He told him not to be embarrassed about it. The guy's name is Rob and he's helped me alot. He's helped me shower and in the whirlpool. I don't like most of the others that do that stuff. Some of them are real creepy. But Rob is cool.
It's funny but I have found out that most of the kids here don't get embarrassed about being naked in front of other people. It has to be because of the constant flow of medical people having to do this or that. And for me it's easier for me if it's not like my mom or sister. I hate it when my mom would stay with me when I had to have something done where I had to undress. My dad finally told her that she should stay out of the room when I had to have stuff like that done cause it was bothering me (yeah I mentioned it to my dad). It's funny when a new kid comes here and has to go thru all of this (it's not funny that they are sick but it's funny that they are not used to so many people being around when you do everything even use the toilet). That is something that I have not gotten used to. I actually threw a roll of toilet paper at a nurse that walked into the bathroom when I was on the toilet. I said, "You damn bitch, if I wanted company in here, I would have left the damn door open". But it gets to a point where just about nothing bothers you anymore. I think it's like being a prisoner in prison and having to shower, use the toilet, etc with guards watching everything you do. Last week a new kid was here and he had this shocked look on his face. He's our age but I don't think he was ready for all of this. The staff has to be careful with all of the patience cause of falls and stuff. And some of the exams and test are pretty much you being naked in front of at least one person and sometimes 2-3-4 people. They always give you stuff to wear or if your naked on a exam table, they cover you privates. But please, that is little comfort cause you know that everybody can see everything. And sometimes the treatments cause rashes and it's better to just be naked. I've walked into Seth's room and he would be walking around butt naked with his parents and some hospital staff in the room. When I get rashes, I sleep with nothing on. The sheets don't bother the rashes for some reason.
And this one nurse seems to always come into my room at the worst times and never takes the hint to leave and come back later. So me and Seth waited till she went to the bathroom. I went into bathroom just after she did. I stood on the toilet in the stall next to the one she was using. I stuck my head over and asked her if I was invading her privacy. She kinda screamed for me to get out of there and I did. She was squeezing out a real smelly one and wow I couldn't get out of there fast enough. She reported me to the administration, which called my parents. We had a meeting about my behaviour. I told them that I had no problems with any of the other nurses or staff but this one nurse was very pushy. She needlessly comes into my room and into the bathroom when I am using the bathroom. She's always doing stuff like that and I decided that I would see how she liked it when someone invaded her privacy. I told them that I wasn't the only one that she does this to. I told them that Seth mentioned that she would do the same thing to him. I told them that we have very little privacy as it is and what little we have is very special to us. And it really bothers me that the few moments when I forget that I'm sick and in the hospital, she barges into the room to stomp that moment out of my head. And I gave them the one example that really bothered me was when I was sitting on the toilet and she opened the door and came in. She didn't knock on the door or say anything to say she was going to come in, she just opened the door and walked in. I haven't seen her since that day. I hope she didn't get fired but she just didn't have the attitude to be working here.
I worry about Seth. He won't say anything but he isn't getting better. I asked his mom and she said that it wasn't looking good right now. The treatments were not doing anything for him and he can't have another surgery because it's has gotten where it's inoperable. He went home last weekend and his mom took a ton of pictures. His home is awesome. And his mom gave me a picture of him laying in the backyard with his puppy. He got a black lab and named him Plato. They showed me a video of Seth, his brothers, and Plato playing in the yard. Man, his brothers are awesome. His whole family is great. They have some beautiful horses, cows, Llamas, a pond with ducks, chickens, goats, in one of the back pastures there's a bunch of wild turkeys, and a couple of beautiful mules. I think if I ever went to visit them, I would never leave. Our place looks good but compared to theirs, it's a dump. But when he came back, he didn't get leave his room for 2 days cause he was so tired. It was a long 5 days till he was back to being Seth.
I hardly ever get online anymore. It's hard to joke around and act like everything is great. And I don't want to talk about how bad I feel constantly cause it's not something anybody wants to hear. I think some know how sick I am most of the time or they have an idea. But I hate answering "How are you feeling" or "How's things going with your treatments". I really don't want them to know how bad things are. I don't want them to know how sick I am from the treatments. I guess I need to write about it more in mu blog but it's hard to do that without making everybody feel bad. Plus it gets old when someone who is sick always talks about being sick. It's not like I'm the only person having problems in the world or like none of my friends don't have their own problems to deal with. I guess I need to write a little more but I just don't want to over do it.
For the most part, I spend my time hanging with Seth when I'm able. Seth is so funny sometimes. I thought I was the person with the least amount of world experience but he is worse than I am. Pretty much all he knows is his house and the hospital stuff. He knows almost nothing about music. He knows nothing about any good movies cause all he ever sees are family movies. I don't think he's ever seen a R rated movie and probably very few PG movies. He used to watch alot of tv but since I got here, he doesn't watch that much. We are able to be out of bed, we are usually trying to cause trouble.
We talk alot and about everything. He is always asking me about stuff especially sex (like I have so much experience). But he just doesn't know anything much. Sometimes we actually talk about beating off which I can't think of ever talking about that with another person beyond what I have had to say to my docs. But it's not like a weird talk but just us talking about things that is kinda important to us right now. I told him about liking guys and stuff cause he likes to see other guys naked (he told me that he didn't accidentally walk in when he saw me naked the first time, he didn't cause he wanted to see me naked to see what I looked like). I also told him that I think I like girls too. He said that he likes girls but he thinks he likes guys too. I told him that I think most guys like both girls and guys, but just won't admit it because of it being such a horrible thing in this uptight world we live in.
And let me tell you, Seth is one good looking dude even as sick as he is. He's smart and has a great sense of humor. He's always ready to cause trouble. He's like 4 inches shorter than me and like a year younger than me, but he is hung like a horse. He's looks like he's 10 but he's 14 (almost 15). But his wiener is like huge. He almost has that old guy dangle to it, where it kinda points downward (I guess mine doesn't weigh enough to do that). But I am very intimidated by him. He's seen me naked before and I know he probably laughed about how little mine is compared to his. And now I know why the nurses like giving him sponge baths (kidding). He told me about getting in the whirlpool tub and when he got out, he had a boner (he had trunks on). And the dude that was helping him out of the tub, saw it too. He said that it was poking out big time. Then when they went to where you dress and he was really not wanting to take his trunks off cause he was embarrassed about it. But the dude told him that it happens to just about every guy that gets into real warm water with it swirling around. He told him not to be embarrassed about it. The guy's name is Rob and he's helped me alot. He's helped me shower and in the whirlpool. I don't like most of the others that do that stuff. Some of them are real creepy. But Rob is cool.
It's funny but I have found out that most of the kids here don't get embarrassed about being naked in front of other people. It has to be because of the constant flow of medical people having to do this or that. And for me it's easier for me if it's not like my mom or sister. I hate it when my mom would stay with me when I had to have something done where I had to undress. My dad finally told her that she should stay out of the room when I had to have stuff like that done cause it was bothering me (yeah I mentioned it to my dad). It's funny when a new kid comes here and has to go thru all of this (it's not funny that they are sick but it's funny that they are not used to so many people being around when you do everything even use the toilet). That is something that I have not gotten used to. I actually threw a roll of toilet paper at a nurse that walked into the bathroom when I was on the toilet. I said, "You damn bitch, if I wanted company in here, I would have left the damn door open". But it gets to a point where just about nothing bothers you anymore. I think it's like being a prisoner in prison and having to shower, use the toilet, etc with guards watching everything you do. Last week a new kid was here and he had this shocked look on his face. He's our age but I don't think he was ready for all of this. The staff has to be careful with all of the patience cause of falls and stuff. And some of the exams and test are pretty much you being naked in front of at least one person and sometimes 2-3-4 people. They always give you stuff to wear or if your naked on a exam table, they cover you privates. But please, that is little comfort cause you know that everybody can see everything. And sometimes the treatments cause rashes and it's better to just be naked. I've walked into Seth's room and he would be walking around butt naked with his parents and some hospital staff in the room. When I get rashes, I sleep with nothing on. The sheets don't bother the rashes for some reason.
And this one nurse seems to always come into my room at the worst times and never takes the hint to leave and come back later. So me and Seth waited till she went to the bathroom. I went into bathroom just after she did. I stood on the toilet in the stall next to the one she was using. I stuck my head over and asked her if I was invading her privacy. She kinda screamed for me to get out of there and I did. She was squeezing out a real smelly one and wow I couldn't get out of there fast enough. She reported me to the administration, which called my parents. We had a meeting about my behaviour. I told them that I had no problems with any of the other nurses or staff but this one nurse was very pushy. She needlessly comes into my room and into the bathroom when I am using the bathroom. She's always doing stuff like that and I decided that I would see how she liked it when someone invaded her privacy. I told them that I wasn't the only one that she does this to. I told them that Seth mentioned that she would do the same thing to him. I told them that we have very little privacy as it is and what little we have is very special to us. And it really bothers me that the few moments when I forget that I'm sick and in the hospital, she barges into the room to stomp that moment out of my head. And I gave them the one example that really bothered me was when I was sitting on the toilet and she opened the door and came in. She didn't knock on the door or say anything to say she was going to come in, she just opened the door and walked in. I haven't seen her since that day. I hope she didn't get fired but she just didn't have the attitude to be working here.
I worry about Seth. He won't say anything but he isn't getting better. I asked his mom and she said that it wasn't looking good right now. The treatments were not doing anything for him and he can't have another surgery because it's has gotten where it's inoperable. He went home last weekend and his mom took a ton of pictures. His home is awesome. And his mom gave me a picture of him laying in the backyard with his puppy. He got a black lab and named him Plato. They showed me a video of Seth, his brothers, and Plato playing in the yard. Man, his brothers are awesome. His whole family is great. They have some beautiful horses, cows, Llamas, a pond with ducks, chickens, goats, in one of the back pastures there's a bunch of wild turkeys, and a couple of beautiful mules. I think if I ever went to visit them, I would never leave. Our place looks good but compared to theirs, it's a dump. But when he came back, he didn't get leave his room for 2 days cause he was so tired. It was a long 5 days till he was back to being Seth.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
This Is My Mom
I found this in one of his Google Document Folders.
Today me and mom went by a neighbor’s house to get a cantaloupe. I didn’t get out of the care when we stopped, it was cool in the car cause of the air conditioning and it was real hot outside. Mom got out and went to the door. The lady walked out and they went down to the field. I sat in the car for it seemed hours but it was only like 15 minutes. So I decided to go check out what was taking so long. When I got close to the field, I could hear the old lady talking real loud. So I went down to the field and just before I got to where I could see them, I stopped so I could listen.
The old woman was cussing like a mad woman. I was thinking that maybe they had gotten into an argument but it was just the old lady talking about her family (she was telling my mom about all of her family troubles very loudly and was very good with her use of some very visual language). I listened to her for a few minutes. It was the funniest thing I have ever heard. His lady about 70 years old was cussing like a sailor about her family. She was mad at everybody it seemed like. She was mad at her sister that lived the next house down and at her cousin that lived across from her.
I decided to walk on over to where they were cause mom was probably ready for a break from the woman’s ranting and she was probably really ready to get home out of the heat. When the old lady saw me, she stopped cussing and acting crazy. We went back to the car and mom gave her some money for the cantaloupe and we left.
As soon as we got on the road, I said to my mom,” So that’s what you girls do when there are no guys around. You stand around cussing, bitching and gripping about everything. I looked over at her with a little smile to show her that I was kidding.
But the bad thing is, that is how that old lady is. She fights with everybody about everything. So does her husband. They don’t take any shit from anybody. But when they are not mad at you, they are great people to be around.
It was funny thinking about my mom listening to this old woman dropping the F-bomb in just about every sentence. My parents don’t talk like that. Sure they have dropped a few four-letter words here and there, but it was because of the situation. It’s just not something that they do on a regular basis. For the most part, it takes an extreme act of stupidity on somebody’s part for my parents to use vulgar language and even then it’s not a barrage of those words but just a token few to show how upset they were.
They reason I decided to write about this is how my mom handled her self in a very uncomfortable situation. She could have been rude and just walked away but she knew the woman just needed somebody to listen to her. She just needed a friend that wouldn’t judge her by her language.
Another reason I wrote about this is because how easy it is to throw those words around and how it isn’t a shock to hear someone use vulgarities in a conversation. My parents are never pleased when I use cuss words but they are especially unpleased when I drop the F-bomb. But I guess they know if I do use that word, it isn’t used lightly. I don’t talk like that and I especially don’t use that word for fun. It takes a lot to get me upset enough to use that word. Maybe that’s why they don’t get mad when I use it. They may be upset but I think they were more upset about what caused me to use that word or similar words. I’ve always thought if you use words like that too much, it looses its bite. It becomes just another bad word instead of showing that someone is very upset.
I can only think of 1 time that I have heard my mom use that word. My brother was dating this girl and they broke up. They were just teenagers being teenagers mostly. But her dad was upset over it and started yelling crap at my brother at a basketball game. My mom and dad were sitting on the bottom bleachers and William was sitting on the end at the top where the older kids always sat. Anyway, the girl’s dad was yelling at William. My mom and dad went up there to see what was going on. And the guy turned around and started yelling at my mom. Anyway, my mom was holding my dad back while this guy was yelling every obscenity you can think of at William, my mom and my dad. Finally mom had heard enough and turned on him. She told him that this wasn’t the place for this but since he wanted to play this out in public so be it. She told him that everybody at the school and actually everybody at a school with in an hour of here knew she was a slut. She would screw anything that stood still long enough for her to mount it. And the reason William broke up with her is because she was messing around with at least 2 other guys at the same time. Then she told him to stop yelling at William for not screwing his daughter and start yelling at his daughter for screwing everybody but him. Then she said that he probably didn’t like hearing this but it was his on f-ing fault because he was the one that wanted to make this public in front of most of the school. Then she told him that he should get his f-ing daughter some help and maybe get some help for him while he was at it. Then the cop that was at the game came up to see what was going on. He helped the guy leave and told my parents to calm down or they would have to leave. I just knew that mom or dad was about to go off on him but they didn’t. They just went back to their seats. Man that guy is so lucky that my dad didn’t push my mom out of the way, cause if my dad had gotten to him it would have been a brutal beating. My dad isn’t the baddest guy on the planet but he has the training to really hurt someone in a fight.
This is another story about my mom and how she reacts during stressful situations. I remember how my mom acted at a car wreck. She was hit by a car on the driver’s side rear and it turned her car into another car. The first thing after checking to see if me and my sister were alright, was to check on everybody else. The woman that hit us was really messed up. My mom helped her out of the car and then sent me to get a blanket out of our trunk (which was no easy thing because the wreck messed up that part of the car). But I finally got the trunk open, got the blanket out, and our emergency kit. By this time the guy that was in the other car was over by where my mom was. He had a real bad cut on his head and I think his arm was broke. She looked after them till the ambulance got there. The man was cussing the woman (he kept talking about how women don’t know how to drive). The woman was cussing my mom (for some reason I still can’t figure out). But my mom just ignored it and tried to make them as comfortable as possible. How she kept from going off on both of them is beyond me but she did.
Some days I think she is a curse on me. But then I remember all the things that she does. I remember the person she is and the person that she made me into (maybe that’s not such a good thing). And I remember that no matter what, she is the rock our family is based on. She controls everything in our lives. She gathers all of our strengths and weaknesses, and makes them into something that can’t be destroyed by anybody or anything. She has 2 very strong willed children, which probably takes every bit of her strength just to cope with us. Then she has my brother who has no idea what to do with his life. My dad is super strong willed but she has his number at all times. Without her, we would be just some people. But with her, we are the family invincible.
Today me and mom went by a neighbor’s house to get a cantaloupe. I didn’t get out of the care when we stopped, it was cool in the car cause of the air conditioning and it was real hot outside. Mom got out and went to the door. The lady walked out and they went down to the field. I sat in the car for it seemed hours but it was only like 15 minutes. So I decided to go check out what was taking so long. When I got close to the field, I could hear the old lady talking real loud. So I went down to the field and just before I got to where I could see them, I stopped so I could listen.
The old woman was cussing like a mad woman. I was thinking that maybe they had gotten into an argument but it was just the old lady talking about her family (she was telling my mom about all of her family troubles very loudly and was very good with her use of some very visual language). I listened to her for a few minutes. It was the funniest thing I have ever heard. His lady about 70 years old was cussing like a sailor about her family. She was mad at everybody it seemed like. She was mad at her sister that lived the next house down and at her cousin that lived across from her.
I decided to walk on over to where they were cause mom was probably ready for a break from the woman’s ranting and she was probably really ready to get home out of the heat. When the old lady saw me, she stopped cussing and acting crazy. We went back to the car and mom gave her some money for the cantaloupe and we left.
As soon as we got on the road, I said to my mom,” So that’s what you girls do when there are no guys around. You stand around cussing, bitching and gripping about everything. I looked over at her with a little smile to show her that I was kidding.
But the bad thing is, that is how that old lady is. She fights with everybody about everything. So does her husband. They don’t take any shit from anybody. But when they are not mad at you, they are great people to be around.
It was funny thinking about my mom listening to this old woman dropping the F-bomb in just about every sentence. My parents don’t talk like that. Sure they have dropped a few four-letter words here and there, but it was because of the situation. It’s just not something that they do on a regular basis. For the most part, it takes an extreme act of stupidity on somebody’s part for my parents to use vulgar language and even then it’s not a barrage of those words but just a token few to show how upset they were.
They reason I decided to write about this is how my mom handled her self in a very uncomfortable situation. She could have been rude and just walked away but she knew the woman just needed somebody to listen to her. She just needed a friend that wouldn’t judge her by her language.
Another reason I wrote about this is because how easy it is to throw those words around and how it isn’t a shock to hear someone use vulgarities in a conversation. My parents are never pleased when I use cuss words but they are especially unpleased when I drop the F-bomb. But I guess they know if I do use that word, it isn’t used lightly. I don’t talk like that and I especially don’t use that word for fun. It takes a lot to get me upset enough to use that word. Maybe that’s why they don’t get mad when I use it. They may be upset but I think they were more upset about what caused me to use that word or similar words. I’ve always thought if you use words like that too much, it looses its bite. It becomes just another bad word instead of showing that someone is very upset.
I can only think of 1 time that I have heard my mom use that word. My brother was dating this girl and they broke up. They were just teenagers being teenagers mostly. But her dad was upset over it and started yelling crap at my brother at a basketball game. My mom and dad were sitting on the bottom bleachers and William was sitting on the end at the top where the older kids always sat. Anyway, the girl’s dad was yelling at William. My mom and dad went up there to see what was going on. And the guy turned around and started yelling at my mom. Anyway, my mom was holding my dad back while this guy was yelling every obscenity you can think of at William, my mom and my dad. Finally mom had heard enough and turned on him. She told him that this wasn’t the place for this but since he wanted to play this out in public so be it. She told him that everybody at the school and actually everybody at a school with in an hour of here knew she was a slut. She would screw anything that stood still long enough for her to mount it. And the reason William broke up with her is because she was messing around with at least 2 other guys at the same time. Then she told him to stop yelling at William for not screwing his daughter and start yelling at his daughter for screwing everybody but him. Then she said that he probably didn’t like hearing this but it was his on f-ing fault because he was the one that wanted to make this public in front of most of the school. Then she told him that he should get his f-ing daughter some help and maybe get some help for him while he was at it. Then the cop that was at the game came up to see what was going on. He helped the guy leave and told my parents to calm down or they would have to leave. I just knew that mom or dad was about to go off on him but they didn’t. They just went back to their seats. Man that guy is so lucky that my dad didn’t push my mom out of the way, cause if my dad had gotten to him it would have been a brutal beating. My dad isn’t the baddest guy on the planet but he has the training to really hurt someone in a fight.
This is another story about my mom and how she reacts during stressful situations. I remember how my mom acted at a car wreck. She was hit by a car on the driver’s side rear and it turned her car into another car. The first thing after checking to see if me and my sister were alright, was to check on everybody else. The woman that hit us was really messed up. My mom helped her out of the car and then sent me to get a blanket out of our trunk (which was no easy thing because the wreck messed up that part of the car). But I finally got the trunk open, got the blanket out, and our emergency kit. By this time the guy that was in the other car was over by where my mom was. He had a real bad cut on his head and I think his arm was broke. She looked after them till the ambulance got there. The man was cussing the woman (he kept talking about how women don’t know how to drive). The woman was cussing my mom (for some reason I still can’t figure out). But my mom just ignored it and tried to make them as comfortable as possible. How she kept from going off on both of them is beyond me but she did.
Some days I think she is a curse on me. But then I remember all the things that she does. I remember the person she is and the person that she made me into (maybe that’s not such a good thing). And I remember that no matter what, she is the rock our family is based on. She controls everything in our lives. She gathers all of our strengths and weaknesses, and makes them into something that can’t be destroyed by anybody or anything. She has 2 very strong willed children, which probably takes every bit of her strength just to cope with us. Then she has my brother who has no idea what to do with his life. My dad is super strong willed but she has his number at all times. Without her, we would be just some people. But with her, we are the family invincible.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Memphis Blues
After we moved here, Uncle James told me that if I went anywhere with Kieran in the car with me, I should be real careful around the police because Kieran could get us into trouble. He told me that Kieran probably wouldn't get into trouble but he could cause me to get into trouble cause he won't let things go. Thankfully, I never had any problems when Kieran was with me. But I heard all about his run-ins with cops. He may have posted this story before but I thought it was funny in one way but serious in other ways. The funny part of this story is picturing Kieran preaching to this cop about how he wasn't doing his job right. When he thought he was right, he could really lay it on thick.
My mom got a ticket about a month ago for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. We were going thru this little part of this town in Tennessee that is like a speed trap for out of state cars. This cop was sitting in a parking lot behind a big sign but you could see the lights on top of the car, but mom wasn't speeding. And as we got to that part of the drive, my mom was actually talking about watching her speed. The speed limit was 35 and she was doing 35 when we went by him. He pulled out and sped up to get right behind us. I leaned over to look at her speed and she was doing 35 mph. He stayed right on our bumper for about a minute, then he put on his blue lights. He came up to her window and asked for her drivers license and proof of insurance. He walked back to his car and sat in it for a few minutes. Then he came back and asked her if she knew she was doing 43 mph in a 35 mph speed zone. My mom told him that she was doing 35 and that I even looked at her speed to make sure she wasn't speeding . He told her that she was speeding and she could contest it in court if she felt he was wrong. So he wrote her a ticket, which turned out to be like 285 dollars.
So this afternoon, we were on our way back home again when we went thru that town. We decided to stop for lunch at a little Mexican restaurant. As we were sitting in the booth waiting for our food, I looked over at a table by the front window and the cop was sitting there with I think his family (2 little boys and a woman). I don't think my mom remembered what he looked like and I didn't say anything to her when I noticed him. When the waitress came with our drinks, chips, salsa, and cheese dip, my mom went to the bathroom. I decided to say Hi to Mr. Serve and Protect. I walked up to him and said "Hi, I'm Kieran. Do you remember me, we met last month? " He said that he didn't remember me. I said "well it could be because I have a cap on now and when we met before I had a bogging on". So I took my cap off. Of course I was bald. He said he still didn't remember me and I knew he wouldn't cause he never really looked at me when he was writing my mom that stupid ticket. I told him that my me and my mom were on our way back home last month from St. Jude's when he pulled us over for speeding just up the street. I said, "You told my mom that she was going 43 mph in a 35 mph speed zone, but she wasn't speeding". I told him that I looked over to see how fast she was driving because we saw him pull out when we went by where he was parked. I told him that we were actually talking about the speed limit at that moment because "you target out of state cars especially if they are women". I told him that he told my mom that she could contest the ticket in court if she felt she was wrongly ticketed. I then said, "but she has too much going on with teaching her classes, taking me to doctors, staying with me when I'm in the hospital, driving back and forth to doctors and the hospital, keeping our house in order, and the hundreds of other things that comes first before she does anything for herself. So contesting that ticket was the last thing on a long list of things and let's not even mention the money that it cost us because of his bad judgement." Then I told him that he was a corrupt coward that targeted people that would probably never contest his tickets because they had other things in their lives that made it impossible to waste that time in a court room just to lose the case and then be charged extra for court cost. I looked at his kids and then back to him and said "Do you tell your family how you make your living or do you just go with the old standard of ' I protect and serve." Then I said, "But I personally want to thank you for everything you do to make this world a better place for the murderers, rapist, and drug dealers because you are out harassing people who are doing nothing wrong except being out of state while driving the speed limit thru your little hole in the road. You are the reason most people who are law abiding citizens distrust or detest cops". Then my mom came over to see what was going on. She told me to get back to our booth and to shut my mouth. So we went back to our food. I looked over at the cop a couple of times and he wasn't happy (as in unhappy enough to shot me if he could). Mom told me to never do that stuff (that wasn't the exact word she used) again and, that we need to hurry up and leave. We ended up getting our main orders to go. We wasn't that hungry anymore anyway. We had kinda filled up on chips, dip, and salsa.
Man one of these days, somebody is gonna hurt me bad if I don't learn to control my mouth. And of course I heard about it all the way home. Mom even called dad on her cell phone so he could tell me what a completely dumb ass I was for doing that. Yes it was fun fun fun, till my daddy took the T-Bird away.
So I guess the older I get the more I stay the same. The bad thing about this is if I wasn't sick I would probably be in jail or in the hospital. But I didn't speak loud or act in an aggressive way. I was very calm and I think I spoke in an almost pleasant tone. But I did want him to understand that what he did was something that I think should be classified as a crime.
I don't know if I have ever mentioned that I have this thing about cops, or should I say I have this thing about bad cops. I think it's sick that people with no concept of right or wrong, can have that authority. This crap just pisses me off cause it's at least 3 tickets (that I know of) that my parents have gotten that I know were bogus. I really don't trust cops for anything.
My mom got a ticket about a month ago for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. We were going thru this little part of this town in Tennessee that is like a speed trap for out of state cars. This cop was sitting in a parking lot behind a big sign but you could see the lights on top of the car, but mom wasn't speeding. And as we got to that part of the drive, my mom was actually talking about watching her speed. The speed limit was 35 and she was doing 35 when we went by him. He pulled out and sped up to get right behind us. I leaned over to look at her speed and she was doing 35 mph. He stayed right on our bumper for about a minute, then he put on his blue lights. He came up to her window and asked for her drivers license and proof of insurance. He walked back to his car and sat in it for a few minutes. Then he came back and asked her if she knew she was doing 43 mph in a 35 mph speed zone. My mom told him that she was doing 35 and that I even looked at her speed to make sure she wasn't speeding . He told her that she was speeding and she could contest it in court if she felt he was wrong. So he wrote her a ticket, which turned out to be like 285 dollars.
So this afternoon, we were on our way back home again when we went thru that town. We decided to stop for lunch at a little Mexican restaurant. As we were sitting in the booth waiting for our food, I looked over at a table by the front window and the cop was sitting there with I think his family (2 little boys and a woman). I don't think my mom remembered what he looked like and I didn't say anything to her when I noticed him. When the waitress came with our drinks, chips, salsa, and cheese dip, my mom went to the bathroom. I decided to say Hi to Mr. Serve and Protect. I walked up to him and said "Hi, I'm Kieran. Do you remember me, we met last month? " He said that he didn't remember me. I said "well it could be because I have a cap on now and when we met before I had a bogging on". So I took my cap off. Of course I was bald. He said he still didn't remember me and I knew he wouldn't cause he never really looked at me when he was writing my mom that stupid ticket. I told him that my me and my mom were on our way back home last month from St. Jude's when he pulled us over for speeding just up the street. I said, "You told my mom that she was going 43 mph in a 35 mph speed zone, but she wasn't speeding". I told him that I looked over to see how fast she was driving because we saw him pull out when we went by where he was parked. I told him that we were actually talking about the speed limit at that moment because "you target out of state cars especially if they are women". I told him that he told my mom that she could contest the ticket in court if she felt she was wrongly ticketed. I then said, "but she has too much going on with teaching her classes, taking me to doctors, staying with me when I'm in the hospital, driving back and forth to doctors and the hospital, keeping our house in order, and the hundreds of other things that comes first before she does anything for herself. So contesting that ticket was the last thing on a long list of things and let's not even mention the money that it cost us because of his bad judgement." Then I told him that he was a corrupt coward that targeted people that would probably never contest his tickets because they had other things in their lives that made it impossible to waste that time in a court room just to lose the case and then be charged extra for court cost. I looked at his kids and then back to him and said "Do you tell your family how you make your living or do you just go with the old standard of ' I protect and serve." Then I said, "But I personally want to thank you for everything you do to make this world a better place for the murderers, rapist, and drug dealers because you are out harassing people who are doing nothing wrong except being out of state while driving the speed limit thru your little hole in the road. You are the reason most people who are law abiding citizens distrust or detest cops". Then my mom came over to see what was going on. She told me to get back to our booth and to shut my mouth. So we went back to our food. I looked over at the cop a couple of times and he wasn't happy (as in unhappy enough to shot me if he could). Mom told me to never do that stuff (that wasn't the exact word she used) again and, that we need to hurry up and leave. We ended up getting our main orders to go. We wasn't that hungry anymore anyway. We had kinda filled up on chips, dip, and salsa.
Man one of these days, somebody is gonna hurt me bad if I don't learn to control my mouth. And of course I heard about it all the way home. Mom even called dad on her cell phone so he could tell me what a completely dumb ass I was for doing that. Yes it was fun fun fun, till my daddy took the T-Bird away.
So I guess the older I get the more I stay the same. The bad thing about this is if I wasn't sick I would probably be in jail or in the hospital. But I didn't speak loud or act in an aggressive way. I was very calm and I think I spoke in an almost pleasant tone. But I did want him to understand that what he did was something that I think should be classified as a crime.
I don't know if I have ever mentioned that I have this thing about cops, or should I say I have this thing about bad cops. I think it's sick that people with no concept of right or wrong, can have that authority. This crap just pisses me off cause it's at least 3 tickets (that I know of) that my parents have gotten that I know were bogus. I really don't trust cops for anything.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Remembering Lost Friends
I found this yesterday. Kieran wrote it in January 08. I think he was going to add some more to it but this is how he left it.
Some days I spend almost all day thinking about friends that have passed away. It's not a bad day. Sometimes it makes me sad but most of the time it feels good to remember them. I don't remember the dumb stuff (arguments, fights, and things like that). It's actually hard to remember any of the bad times. The fun times and the great times we had always seem the easiest to remember. But it also seems that the longer since I was with them, the harder it is to remember them. That makes me feel real bad. So on days that I get like that, I try to write in my journal about them. I try to remember anything and everything no matter what it is. Just something that reminds me of them.
The J's was what my friend Josh's mom called us. When I lived on gulf coast, there were 3 of us that hung around together (me, Josh, and Jeremy). Josh died a month after a bad car wreck. His family moved to Ohio after Katrina and was in a car wreck in 06. He was my best friend most of my life. From the day he moved into our neighborhood, we were friends. I still miss him and I miss having that person that you knew always had your back. Then there was Jeremy who lived on the next street behind my house. He moved away like a year before Katrina. He got into drugs and partying after they moved to Dallas. Mom told me he died from alcohol and drugs (I guess an overdose or something like that). I wasn't as close to him as Josh but he was a very good friend. There was other kids that hung around with us some but they were never gonna be one of us. None of their names start with J so they were never gonna be one of the J's. LOL
I was in the hospital with Seth. I can say that he was as close as you can get to being a "best friend". We were friends for less than a year but we had some great times in a very un-great place. And I guess that being around each other so much at such a bad time, it made it easier to be friends. I sometimes think if he had been cured and if we lived closer, we could have been the greatest of friends. He was just a great person.
Mr. Charles was somebody I never really thought of as a friend till he died. He was always telling me stories about his life. He was also teaching me how to grow a garden (when to plant stuff, when to gather it, how to fertilize it, what to use to kill pest, what to use to kill pest plants). He sometimes tried to act grumpy and like he didn't like having me around, but then he would start telling me some story, show me pictures of something or somebody in his family, walk around his land pointing out some plant or tree that could be used for this or that, or just talk about The Cardinals. He was a huge Stan "The Man" Musial fan. He was fun to be around.
I guess it would be easy to feel bad when I think of them but I don't feel bad. I guess I feel grateful that I got to know them. It was my privilege and honor that they shared their lives with me cause I'm not easy to be around.
Sometimes I feel angry. Josh was so smart, strong, and such a great athlete. I think if he hadn't died, we would maybe be hearing his name in a few years playing for some baseball team. He was fun to be around and always had people wanting to be his friend. But he was alot like me in that he didn't trust easily. And he couldn't stand superficial people or fake people. My mom talked him into writing stories because she happened to read a story he wrote for our English class. He had a way of making his stories come to life. He would write stories and give them to my mom to read, so she would critique them for him. And he was one person that my brother didn't mess with too much cause he was like me in his need for revenge. He would do stuff that made you remember for days/weeks later. And sometimes his revenge left marks. LOL.
I feel angry that Seth never had a best friend but me. He lived his whole life and I was his best friend, and I only knew him for about a year. I feel angry that most of his life was spent in the hospital or at home in bed because he was so sick he couldn't do anything else.
I feel angry that Jeremy will never be able to do the stuff that he was so good at and meant to do. He was so artistic in alot of different ways. He could play drums, piano, and guitar. He was great at writing poems. I think with that combination, he could have been a great in the music business. And he could sit with a pencil and a notebook, and draw such great drawings. Me and Josh could sit around with him and watch him draw for hours. It was such a cool ability.
And Mr Charles was great just to be around. He like me cause I didn't mind working with him. And I didn't interrupt when he was talking. He would talk for hours and I would just sit and listen. He was a wise old man and I hope some of his wisdom found it's way into my head cause he knew so much stuff and had lived a long time. I felt bad that his family spent so little time with him and I think just thought of him as a burden. If they just let him tell them about his life, he had the knowledge that would help them in their lives. People shouldn't ignore the elderly. Most of the elderly are only elderly because they were very intelligent and worked hard. Dumb, lazy people tend not to make it to the age where they can be called elderly.
So I guess you can tell that I have been thinking about them today. It has been a pretty good day but I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to each one of them.
Some days I spend almost all day thinking about friends that have passed away. It's not a bad day. Sometimes it makes me sad but most of the time it feels good to remember them. I don't remember the dumb stuff (arguments, fights, and things like that). It's actually hard to remember any of the bad times. The fun times and the great times we had always seem the easiest to remember. But it also seems that the longer since I was with them, the harder it is to remember them. That makes me feel real bad. So on days that I get like that, I try to write in my journal about them. I try to remember anything and everything no matter what it is. Just something that reminds me of them.
The J's was what my friend Josh's mom called us. When I lived on gulf coast, there were 3 of us that hung around together (me, Josh, and Jeremy). Josh died a month after a bad car wreck. His family moved to Ohio after Katrina and was in a car wreck in 06. He was my best friend most of my life. From the day he moved into our neighborhood, we were friends. I still miss him and I miss having that person that you knew always had your back. Then there was Jeremy who lived on the next street behind my house. He moved away like a year before Katrina. He got into drugs and partying after they moved to Dallas. Mom told me he died from alcohol and drugs (I guess an overdose or something like that). I wasn't as close to him as Josh but he was a very good friend. There was other kids that hung around with us some but they were never gonna be one of us. None of their names start with J so they were never gonna be one of the J's. LOL
I was in the hospital with Seth. I can say that he was as close as you can get to being a "best friend". We were friends for less than a year but we had some great times in a very un-great place. And I guess that being around each other so much at such a bad time, it made it easier to be friends. I sometimes think if he had been cured and if we lived closer, we could have been the greatest of friends. He was just a great person.
Mr. Charles was somebody I never really thought of as a friend till he died. He was always telling me stories about his life. He was also teaching me how to grow a garden (when to plant stuff, when to gather it, how to fertilize it, what to use to kill pest, what to use to kill pest plants). He sometimes tried to act grumpy and like he didn't like having me around, but then he would start telling me some story, show me pictures of something or somebody in his family, walk around his land pointing out some plant or tree that could be used for this or that, or just talk about The Cardinals. He was a huge Stan "The Man" Musial fan. He was fun to be around.
I guess it would be easy to feel bad when I think of them but I don't feel bad. I guess I feel grateful that I got to know them. It was my privilege and honor that they shared their lives with me cause I'm not easy to be around.
Sometimes I feel angry. Josh was so smart, strong, and such a great athlete. I think if he hadn't died, we would maybe be hearing his name in a few years playing for some baseball team. He was fun to be around and always had people wanting to be his friend. But he was alot like me in that he didn't trust easily. And he couldn't stand superficial people or fake people. My mom talked him into writing stories because she happened to read a story he wrote for our English class. He had a way of making his stories come to life. He would write stories and give them to my mom to read, so she would critique them for him. And he was one person that my brother didn't mess with too much cause he was like me in his need for revenge. He would do stuff that made you remember for days/weeks later. And sometimes his revenge left marks. LOL.
I feel angry that Seth never had a best friend but me. He lived his whole life and I was his best friend, and I only knew him for about a year. I feel angry that most of his life was spent in the hospital or at home in bed because he was so sick he couldn't do anything else.
I feel angry that Jeremy will never be able to do the stuff that he was so good at and meant to do. He was so artistic in alot of different ways. He could play drums, piano, and guitar. He was great at writing poems. I think with that combination, he could have been a great in the music business. And he could sit with a pencil and a notebook, and draw such great drawings. Me and Josh could sit around with him and watch him draw for hours. It was such a cool ability.
And Mr Charles was great just to be around. He like me cause I didn't mind working with him. And I didn't interrupt when he was talking. He would talk for hours and I would just sit and listen. He was a wise old man and I hope some of his wisdom found it's way into my head cause he knew so much stuff and had lived a long time. I felt bad that his family spent so little time with him and I think just thought of him as a burden. If they just let him tell them about his life, he had the knowledge that would help them in their lives. People shouldn't ignore the elderly. Most of the elderly are only elderly because they were very intelligent and worked hard. Dumb, lazy people tend not to make it to the age where they can be called elderly.
So I guess you can tell that I have been thinking about them today. It has been a pretty good day but I wish I could pick up the phone and talk to each one of them.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
William
I was asked by a couple of people about William. I found 2 journal entries and just put them together. They are from a couple months apart but they fit together good. So this is a good description of William. It's not Kieran being nasty toward him, it's how William is/was. He's changed some since Kieran died. Maybe he has finally realized that he isn't the center of the universe.
William has been here for about a week and he's acting ok for a change. Maybe it's the woman in the next building. He's been talking her up a lot the last couple of days which is good for me. Anything to keep him out of my hair. I get real tired of hearing how he's only here to help me (blah blah blah). I found out that every time he stays here with me, mom and dad are paying him to lay around and do nothing, but it makes them feel better that there is somebody here (he gets low on money and suddenly he wants to take care of me).
It has been nice outside the last couple of days. If I sit on one side of the patio, I'm in the sun and the wall shields me from any wind. It's nice. Yesterday, I was sitting out there and watched a kid (like 10-11-12 year old) play on the patio across from me. He was close enough to hear what he was saying. He had a little basketball goal set up on the side of the wall with a little foam ball. He was playing like he was in a basketball game on tv. He kept saying "and Anderson slams over 2 players" or "Anderson shoots and hits a 3 with 1 second left on the clock". He played for about an hour and he was having a great time. Most nice days he's out there playing or his sister is out there with her dolls playing. She has a lot of parties with her dolls. A couple of times she's been out there with a friend dressing up the dolls and having tea parties or something. It was fun and funny watching it. I remember a few years ago when I was doing the same thing as the boy and I remember my sister having tea parties and stuff like that with her dolls.
I've been watching the stuff that happens there cause he comes home from school with his little sister and they are by themselves till their mother comes in about 5 o'clock. And the mom is dating this guy who comes over a lot and sits on the patio drinking beer. He sits out there and gets drunk and when he is over, the 2 kids are almost always inside. I think they try to stay away from him as much as possible. I haven't seen anything like him hurting them or anything like that but I've seen and heard the mom and the boyfriend arguing a few times. To me he seems like a bully especially when he is drunk. I don't know the guy but I don't like him and I'm not really sure about the mom. There just seems to be something off with her if she will let that guy act like that around her kids.
Zek came over the other day and we took off for the day in dad's truck. Zek isn't the best driver in the world but he's better than me I guess (you don't want me driving cause I drift, swerve a lot, miss stop signs, miss red lights and my depth perception isn't that great either). And on top of that, I get dizzy concentrating on the road ahead of me. It's like everything gets fuzzy and things look like I'm in a tunnel (I'm not for sure but I think it's like tunnel vision), so I get sick at my stomach. So Zek always drives if we go anywhere. We went to Wolf Chase mall for a little while. Zek pushed me around in a wheelchair. A dumb security guard got on our case cause he thought we were playing. He didn't act nasty or anything, he just saw 2 kids messing around in the mall with one in a wheelchair. It stopped us but it only took about 5 seconds to figure out that we weren't playing.
After that we went over to the sportsplex just off of the Nonconnah. Zek has a cousin that was playing there. We watched the match and then hung around with his cousin and his friends. A bunch of us ended up going to a McDonald's for some FOODDDDDDdddddd. I ate 2 large orders of fries and a lemonade (I still can't eat meat or any kind of dressings so burgers are a no no). But it was great just hanging out with people my age for a change. We stayed there for about an hour then we went home. Zek can't be out past 8 and it was 7:30 before we left McDonalds. We got to the apartment and dad drove Zek home. He was about 45 minutes late. So it may be awhile before we get to run around again. His dad is very strict. I told dad to explain that it was my fault that he was late. Maybe with my dad talking to him and me taking the blame, he won't get into any trouble.
Funny thing is that when I got home, William was still in his room asleep. I had been gone probably 4-5 hours and he didn't know I had left or anything. He's a great help. I'm so lucky I have him around in case of an emergency. LOL
This afternoon, me and William went with dad. He wanted to go us to go with him to one of his employees house. Over the weekend he, his wife, and his daughter were in a car wreck in Arkansas. So we went by the mall and got some stuff for them (a doll for the little girl, flowers for the mom and little girl, and some chocolates for the mom). He was taking a card from the other people in the office and a card from us. We went to the office and dad wrote a check for $5,000 for the guy to use for whatever they needed it for. He said that no matter what the situation, they will need money right now. He has an emergency fund for things like that so if anybody needs help, he has the funds to cover just about anything (I think he told William that the emergency fund was over $50,000). William was behind us in one of the company cars that my dad was leaving for them to use till they got on their feet. He wanted me and William to go cause he wanted us to understand how you treat people that work for you (another life lesson). But the people that work for him absolutely love him. They will do anything for him and he will do anything for them.
It's funny that my dad owns his own company and he's a partner in 2 others, but William can't find a job. He worked for my dad the summer after he graduated from high school but things just didn't go good. I think William expected to be treated special or something, but dad and the people that work for him don't see things that way. Everyone that works for my dad knows how to act. They know who is the boss but for the most part, they don't worry about titles. Everybody does their job as best as they can, people help each other, and they know that dad works as hard as anybody there. I don't think he has ever had to fire a person that has gotten past their probation period. I don't think anybody has quit because of something at the office. I may be wrong but I don't remember ever hearing about any problems there. And I hear a lot of stuff from there cause I get emails from just about everybody in the office. They email me all day long just to tell me jokes or stories or send me a funny picture. I just don't think William will ever be able to work for my dad cause he just isn't the kind of person that my dad would like to have there. The bad thing is that at one time dad wanted to expand the company into another city and have William run that office after he graduated from college. But he's graduated and he's not working. I don't think dad wants William to have authority over people's livelihoods. And I think it really hurts dad that he can't help William, but sometimes you can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped. THe main thing is that William doesn't care about other people enough to worry about things like if they need help after a car wreck or if they need help after a illness. Sometimes I wonder if he is really my mom and dad's kid. Maybe he was switched at birth or something.
William has been here for about a week and he's acting ok for a change. Maybe it's the woman in the next building. He's been talking her up a lot the last couple of days which is good for me. Anything to keep him out of my hair. I get real tired of hearing how he's only here to help me (blah blah blah). I found out that every time he stays here with me, mom and dad are paying him to lay around and do nothing, but it makes them feel better that there is somebody here (he gets low on money and suddenly he wants to take care of me).
It has been nice outside the last couple of days. If I sit on one side of the patio, I'm in the sun and the wall shields me from any wind. It's nice. Yesterday, I was sitting out there and watched a kid (like 10-11-12 year old) play on the patio across from me. He was close enough to hear what he was saying. He had a little basketball goal set up on the side of the wall with a little foam ball. He was playing like he was in a basketball game on tv. He kept saying "and Anderson slams over 2 players" or "Anderson shoots and hits a 3 with 1 second left on the clock". He played for about an hour and he was having a great time. Most nice days he's out there playing or his sister is out there with her dolls playing. She has a lot of parties with her dolls. A couple of times she's been out there with a friend dressing up the dolls and having tea parties or something. It was fun and funny watching it. I remember a few years ago when I was doing the same thing as the boy and I remember my sister having tea parties and stuff like that with her dolls.
I've been watching the stuff that happens there cause he comes home from school with his little sister and they are by themselves till their mother comes in about 5 o'clock. And the mom is dating this guy who comes over a lot and sits on the patio drinking beer. He sits out there and gets drunk and when he is over, the 2 kids are almost always inside. I think they try to stay away from him as much as possible. I haven't seen anything like him hurting them or anything like that but I've seen and heard the mom and the boyfriend arguing a few times. To me he seems like a bully especially when he is drunk. I don't know the guy but I don't like him and I'm not really sure about the mom. There just seems to be something off with her if she will let that guy act like that around her kids.
Zek came over the other day and we took off for the day in dad's truck. Zek isn't the best driver in the world but he's better than me I guess (you don't want me driving cause I drift, swerve a lot, miss stop signs, miss red lights and my depth perception isn't that great either). And on top of that, I get dizzy concentrating on the road ahead of me. It's like everything gets fuzzy and things look like I'm in a tunnel (I'm not for sure but I think it's like tunnel vision), so I get sick at my stomach. So Zek always drives if we go anywhere. We went to Wolf Chase mall for a little while. Zek pushed me around in a wheelchair. A dumb security guard got on our case cause he thought we were playing. He didn't act nasty or anything, he just saw 2 kids messing around in the mall with one in a wheelchair. It stopped us but it only took about 5 seconds to figure out that we weren't playing.
After that we went over to the sportsplex just off of the Nonconnah. Zek has a cousin that was playing there. We watched the match and then hung around with his cousin and his friends. A bunch of us ended up going to a McDonald's for some FOODDDDDDdddddd. I ate 2 large orders of fries and a lemonade (I still can't eat meat or any kind of dressings so burgers are a no no). But it was great just hanging out with people my age for a change. We stayed there for about an hour then we went home. Zek can't be out past 8 and it was 7:30 before we left McDonalds. We got to the apartment and dad drove Zek home. He was about 45 minutes late. So it may be awhile before we get to run around again. His dad is very strict. I told dad to explain that it was my fault that he was late. Maybe with my dad talking to him and me taking the blame, he won't get into any trouble.
Funny thing is that when I got home, William was still in his room asleep. I had been gone probably 4-5 hours and he didn't know I had left or anything. He's a great help. I'm so lucky I have him around in case of an emergency. LOL
This afternoon, me and William went with dad. He wanted to go us to go with him to one of his employees house. Over the weekend he, his wife, and his daughter were in a car wreck in Arkansas. So we went by the mall and got some stuff for them (a doll for the little girl, flowers for the mom and little girl, and some chocolates for the mom). He was taking a card from the other people in the office and a card from us. We went to the office and dad wrote a check for $5,000 for the guy to use for whatever they needed it for. He said that no matter what the situation, they will need money right now. He has an emergency fund for things like that so if anybody needs help, he has the funds to cover just about anything (I think he told William that the emergency fund was over $50,000). William was behind us in one of the company cars that my dad was leaving for them to use till they got on their feet. He wanted me and William to go cause he wanted us to understand how you treat people that work for you (another life lesson). But the people that work for him absolutely love him. They will do anything for him and he will do anything for them.
It's funny that my dad owns his own company and he's a partner in 2 others, but William can't find a job. He worked for my dad the summer after he graduated from high school but things just didn't go good. I think William expected to be treated special or something, but dad and the people that work for him don't see things that way. Everyone that works for my dad knows how to act. They know who is the boss but for the most part, they don't worry about titles. Everybody does their job as best as they can, people help each other, and they know that dad works as hard as anybody there. I don't think he has ever had to fire a person that has gotten past their probation period. I don't think anybody has quit because of something at the office. I may be wrong but I don't remember ever hearing about any problems there. And I hear a lot of stuff from there cause I get emails from just about everybody in the office. They email me all day long just to tell me jokes or stories or send me a funny picture. I just don't think William will ever be able to work for my dad cause he just isn't the kind of person that my dad would like to have there. The bad thing is that at one time dad wanted to expand the company into another city and have William run that office after he graduated from college. But he's graduated and he's not working. I don't think dad wants William to have authority over people's livelihoods. And I think it really hurts dad that he can't help William, but sometimes you can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped. THe main thing is that William doesn't care about other people enough to worry about things like if they need help after a car wreck or if they need help after a illness. Sometimes I wonder if he is really my mom and dad's kid. Maybe he was switched at birth or something.
Monday, February 8, 2010
6/07
This entry is dated 6/07.
There's only maybe 5 people know this story and 4 are my family members. Right after Katrina, we were stuck for almost a week on the coast. The first 3 days, we spent alot of time checking houses around town for people who might have needed help. There were alot of houses that were completely demolished, some partly demolished, and some that didn't seem to have any damage at all. But me, dad, and a couple of other people would go house to house checking. The first day we helped a couple of people who were injured but didn't need major help. The second day, we started going futher out. About 1 in the afternoon, we went to this house that was almost completely gone. The walls had fallen in and the roof was on top of that. There was a place on one side that I could squeeze into. So I crawled into the hole and got into the house far enough that there was enough room for me to sit up but not stand up. I was able to move around inside. When I got about half way to the other side of the house, I found a man with the roof pinning him to the floor. His head had been crushed by the house falling on him. I looked around the rest of the house as much as I could to make sure there wasn't someone alive in there injured and then I crawled out. We marked the house and the went on to the next one. The next day, we went to a house that was partly destroyed. It was a 2 story house. Me, my dad and another guy went into the house. We went into the house and found 2 bodies. The outside wall and roof had fallen in on this older couple. The wife was crushed and my dad thinks the man had a heartattack trying to help her. After that, we were told not to check anymore houses cause there were finally some "official" searchers and we were no longer needed. And there was a problem with looting (how anybody can do that stuff during something like that is beyond me) so we didn't really need to be going into houses after help arrived.
The reason I'm writing this is because I still dream of those people. It's not a bad dream or a good dream. It's more like a dream where we just have a casual conversation between friends/neighbors. I have had some real bad nightmares about different things that are associated with Katrina but none of them were about finding those people. Most of the bad dreams were about my family and close friends. And those really bother me. And there is one dream where I walk out of the shelter during Katrina and rattlesnakes are being blown all over me. That is the one that really scares the crap out of me. But for the most part, my bad dreams of Katrina is about what could have happened not what did happen. I know, I'm weird.
I've had a lot of people ask me what I remember the most about that time during and after. Well beyond the great storm (wind, rain, thunder, lightening), I remember:
There's only maybe 5 people know this story and 4 are my family members. Right after Katrina, we were stuck for almost a week on the coast. The first 3 days, we spent alot of time checking houses around town for people who might have needed help. There were alot of houses that were completely demolished, some partly demolished, and some that didn't seem to have any damage at all. But me, dad, and a couple of other people would go house to house checking. The first day we helped a couple of people who were injured but didn't need major help. The second day, we started going futher out. About 1 in the afternoon, we went to this house that was almost completely gone. The walls had fallen in and the roof was on top of that. There was a place on one side that I could squeeze into. So I crawled into the hole and got into the house far enough that there was enough room for me to sit up but not stand up. I was able to move around inside. When I got about half way to the other side of the house, I found a man with the roof pinning him to the floor. His head had been crushed by the house falling on him. I looked around the rest of the house as much as I could to make sure there wasn't someone alive in there injured and then I crawled out. We marked the house and the went on to the next one. The next day, we went to a house that was partly destroyed. It was a 2 story house. Me, my dad and another guy went into the house. We went into the house and found 2 bodies. The outside wall and roof had fallen in on this older couple. The wife was crushed and my dad thinks the man had a heartattack trying to help her. After that, we were told not to check anymore houses cause there were finally some "official" searchers and we were no longer needed. And there was a problem with looting (how anybody can do that stuff during something like that is beyond me) so we didn't really need to be going into houses after help arrived.
The reason I'm writing this is because I still dream of those people. It's not a bad dream or a good dream. It's more like a dream where we just have a casual conversation between friends/neighbors. I have had some real bad nightmares about different things that are associated with Katrina but none of them were about finding those people. Most of the bad dreams were about my family and close friends. And those really bother me. And there is one dream where I walk out of the shelter during Katrina and rattlesnakes are being blown all over me. That is the one that really scares the crap out of me. But for the most part, my bad dreams of Katrina is about what could have happened not what did happen. I know, I'm weird.
I've had a lot of people ask me what I remember the most about that time during and after. Well beyond the great storm (wind, rain, thunder, lightening), I remember:
- The smell. everything smelled dead or of death. There was dead fish, dogs, cat, people, etc.
- The heat. It felt like it was 120 degrees and there was no where to go. There was no shelter, no airconditioning, on wind,..... There were just destruction everywhere you looked and nothing else.
- There was no water, food, bathrooms, showers, tv, radio, cars, and especially no help. And at night, there was no light anywhere.
- The way everybody was helpful. No one was nasty about things. Everybody was willing to help each other in anyway they could cause we were all there was. To me it proved that in those situations, people will for the most part, do the right thing.
- Just how great a can of tuna, pork n beans, vienna sausages taste when there is nothing else to eat.
I don't have any bad memories. There are some truely sad things (the lost of life and the helplessness), but for me it was a great time in my life. It helped me to understand my parents in a way most kids never do. It made me grow up at a time I think every kid should but most don't. It made me appreciate the small things that most people overlook. And I think it made me a good person. I guess instead of Katrina defining my life, it helped me to defind my life (if that makes sense).
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