When I first started meeting people on the internet, it was something different and for me a great thing because it gave me a place to be me. For what seemed a long time it was just a couple of friends, mainly Liam and D. They helped me survive (and I do mean survive) when it was really hard just to get thru the day. Then I found 360 and I got what I would call a Voice. It was a place where I could write and sometimes chat about my days and other people's days. I met more people but still kept just a few friends. People come and go so easily on here that I think it's a miracle to find a couple people that you can trust. I think I was very very luck. I found more that just a couple but still not a large amount. I don't think anybody can have more than just a few friends that you can trust. And even with these friends it wasn't just a hello and they were my most trusted friends. I have always been friendly but I always hold back my trust till I know I can trust someone. And even with them, I have kept some things from them because somethings don't always need to be talked about or even known.
I got to meet one friend, Liam. It was great to meet him but it wasn't what I thought it would be like. We had kind of grown apart. He felt that I had done something to him and he quit everything for awhile. He got a Facebook page I think but he has new friends now and I don't know his Id or anything. But the meeting was alot different than when we chatted online. He was alot like he was online. He talked constantly. He was hyper and constantly moving around. And I was almost mute. I don't think I said 25 words. It was just so different from 360 that it was hard to believe we were friends. To tell you the truth, I kinda hated that we had met in person because, it was like I was a liar. I wasn't like I am online but he was. I felt like a fake but I don't know if I was fake online or in person. Maybe it was both. Maybe I'm just not a real person anywhere. Some of my other friends have asked if we could meet and I've thought about it alot. I would really like to meet my trusted friends. But there is always that thought in the back of my head that it will be horrible. Who knows, maybe I'll outgrow being that way. Maybe not.
I talked to a couple of friends that were my age on the phone when I first started on yahoo. My mom and dad was very upset over that, maybe I shouldn't have told them. LOL. But I had the same thing happen on the phone. I don't say much on the phone even to my family members, so why did I think it would be different with anybody else. I don't think I have ever had a long conversation on the phone in my life. I've been on the phone for a long time but it's always the other person doing all the talking. I just mainly listen. But both of those friends that I talked to on the phone, kind of went away. They stopped chatting with me or anything. I think it was because of the complete difference between how I am online and how I am in real life. Like I have heard before from people talking about me when they didn't think I could hear what they were saying, I'm spooky. I'm weird.
But in the end the person everybody likes isn't the person they meet or talk to when they get me. I'm the great disappointment. And it bothers me because I don't know why I'm like that. I've had some close friends online give me their phone numbers and I always say that I can't because it would come up on the phone bill or some other excuse. But it's mainly because they don't want to meet or talk to me, they want The Dark One. They want the guy that is outspoken, opinionated enought to argue over just about anything. They want the internet Kieran. The bad thing about that is that he only exist on the internet. Talking to the real me, is like talking to a tree or a rock, but the tree or rock probably has more personality than I do in real life. How's that for a glowing description of myself? And the mom and dad thing also was a big part in not talking on the phone with anybody online. It wasn't the main reason as stated before, but it was part of it especially after the thing with the guy sending me pictures of my house and stuff. That had all of us really upset but especially my parents. And there were a few time when people gave me their phone numbers that it was creepy. This one dude, kept at it for about a month, then I just quit having anything to do with him. He came off as some really messed up dude and it just didn't feel right. Another guy wanted me to call and he was always sending me weird nasty stuff. Again I finally just stopped having anything to do with him. But there were some close friends that gave me their numbers and I knew it was because they wanted to keep in touch when I wasn't able to be online. I never had any doubts about those friends because I knew they were real friends. But it always came back to the fact that I didn't want them to know just how different I was from The Dark One. And I didn't want to lose them as friends. I have a great ability to make people want to be anywhere as long as it's away from me.
So to my friends, I want to thank you because it is a comfort knowing that I do have that option. I want you all to know that I would love to met you and to talk to you in person. It would fill one of my greatest wishes but I do think I would have disappointed if we had done that.
This is from the real Kieran not The Dark One.
MY BRAINFARTS
Sadly it's only my thoughts, just the flatulent ooze from my mind.
Nothing profound, nothing lasting: just a moment of pure satisfaction.
Sorry if it smells.
To stop those embarrassing displays of stupidity, just take one Braino before each instance of thought. It's guaranteed to work or your money back.
Do you blow your horn,
cut the cheese,
let Polly out of jail,
pop a bean,
burnout,
launch a loaf,
shoot a bunny,
light the match,
or drop an air biscuit?
Have you ever let a breezer,
a carpet stainer,
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a string of pearls,
a hershey squirt,
a turtle head,
or a nut knocker?
If so, you can chat live with one of our licensed Flatulence Therapist. Don't go thru life thinking your the only one who's peeled the paint off the wall, chat with those who have been there and done that. Just go to "silentbutdeadly.com" and understand it's not a crime, it's a disease.
If you have a crop duster in the family and feel overwhelmed, we also have family support. If you want to plan an intervention, we can help you with that also. Don't go thru life in a fog, feeling helpless to those sphincter emissions, we can help and we care.
I you would be so kind as to leave a comment when you visit this site. Thank you so much. J
U.S. National Team
OLE MISS
REBELS
St. Louis
CARDINALS
Manchester United
D.C. United
Memphis
Grizzlies
Team Bubba
Our Motto: Strippers, Beer, and Adult Diapers
**********
Aaahhhhh, isn't that sweet...........
4 comments:
They say that the Internet allows you to be a different person, but really I think it allows you to be a different part of yourself that maybe the face-to-face world may not.
I identified with a lot of what he wrote because the "Internet me" is similar to the "Internet Kieran," outspoken, feisty. The face-to-face me is generally quiet, unassuming and a wallflower. I'd rather be by myself than engage in boring small talk about the weather. But the "Internet me" is really a part of me in that I can be outspoken (and am) around people I know well enough to be comfortable around. But this was definitely an interesting, well-thought out piece.
Brian, when I first met him, he was real quiet. I didn't think he was weird, just quiet. From the first day, he was really friendly and we got along great. But it took a while for him to start talking like most people do. I can tell from his writing, that he was different an small ways but there wasn't that big of a difference between the Kieran I knew and the one that wrote all of those blogs.
I found this written in a birthday card. It was written on the inside of the card. I was straightening up in my room and I was putting up all of his journals and papers in my bookcase, when the card fell out of a notebook. I picked it up and this was what was written on the inside and back of it. He would write on anything. It's like when the feeling came on him to write, he used whatever was handy.
I completely understand what he meant. I don't like talking on the phone either, and I had the same problems with my dad over letting anyone I met on the internet know anything really personal about me. In fact it was probably even worse with my dad, and caused me problems. I liked the Kieren I knew in any case, Dark One or not.
He had some much to say and unknowingly, gave so much to others. Yeh, he loved to think he hid in the shadows but that wasn't the Kieran I got to know. I think of him often in daily work activities, social events. Even talk him now & then.
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