Sorry **old post 12-06**

I want to say up front that I am sorry if I offend anyone with this blog. This is in response to a message I got yesterday that said I was a nasty person and that our government needs to be more religious in it's laws. So here goes..............
Should the government decide how much we should eat during all meals?
Should the government mandate a certain color paint for our homes?
Should the government have a say in how much we sleep?
If our government suspends any of our rights because of terrorist, does that not mean the terrorist have won?
Should our government have a say in how many children we can have?
Should our government have a say in if, when, or where we go on vacation?
Should our government decide the names of our children?
Should our government decided if men can talk to women or women to men?
Should a religion decide what music we listen to?
Should a religion have a say in who we vote for?
Should a religion decree who can marry who?
Should a religion decide if someone is left handed or right handed?
Should a religion have a say in your life, even if it isn't your religion?
Should religious doctrine be enforced thru the government?
Should religion have the power to imprison anyone that speaks against it? Should our government?
What is the difference between Muslin doctrine being enforced by their governments and Christian doctrine being enforced by our governments?
The thing that Christians are not looking at is that there is a ever increasing Muslim population in this country and if they see that religious doctrines can be adopted by our government, their religious doctrines could be included in laws here someday. Maybe people can't or won't see it because they are blinded by their own petty victories in politics and their placement at the top. If we keep allowing religion to bleed into politics, who says it will always be Christian beliefs enforced. We are supposed to be a country where government and religion is separate and for good reason.
I just don't understand alot of the so-called Christian hate doctrine that is spewed today. It seems they can't see further than the next fight. No one is looking toward the future and what the stupid acts of today will bring about years down the line. I guess that bothers me alot. The short sightedness of organized religions. Instant gratification. Maybe they should spend a little more time praying for forgiveness for their own sins and less time preaching about the evils of the rest of the world. They should teach tolerance for everyone and not just themselves. Maybe they should actually read the Bible and understand that history has a way of repeating itself.
I have my beliefs. I believe that we are here to be productive, to care for people. We are on this planet to live in peace with all the other people on the planet. We are here to protect the innocent, the weak, the no-so innocent, and the strong. We are on this planet to protect the rights of everyone, even the people we disagree with and the people that would take rights away from us. I would never think of taking rights away from someone just because I didn't agree with something in their lifestyle. I wouldn't target someone just because I can and I have a platform with political backing. But that's just me. I lack the values and morality of an organized religion. I'm such a horrible person sometimes.
To me, A Christian should be loving, caring, helpful, thoughtful, forgiving, tolerant, and truthful. Not hateful, judgemental, bigoted, shortsighted, hypocritical, anger driven, and spiteful. But that's just me. I'm sure everybody has their own thoughts on it. I know that not all Christians are like that. I understand that to classify everybody like that is wrong. I am sorry about that. But when you allow the organization you belong to, to promote hate and despair, then you have to except that you will be classified with them. And I understand why people in the organization don't speak up and point out how it is wrong, they don't care because it's not them. I guess they are just happy that the church isn't pointing fingers at them. Who knows what they would find if they started looking at people in their own organization.
I guess this is what I was wanting to say, stop trying to make me into something bad just to make yourselves look good.
SAVE YOURSELVES, I DON'T NEED SAVING. AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT I WRITE IN MY BLOG, DON'T READ IT. NO ONE IS MAKING YOU READ IT BUT YOU.

Politician Is A 4 Letter Word **old post 9-06**

After all is said and done, the La and Ms gulf coasts are still horrible messes. Billions of dollars have been allotted for this area but it never gets to the people who need it. Nothing in this whole political nightmare is functioning in the right way except the run-around the politicians use to divert attention from their lack of accomplishments. I never really thought of it till now but maybe this is the way the politicians want things to work. Maybe they want to allot huge amounts of money and then ship it from one government agency to another; never actually allowing any of it to be used as anything more than eye candy. And they have the fall back position, that they did allot the money. Then it just gets to be a big political argument that will go on for years: of course that is another thing that I love about politicians, their endless ability to argue without actually accomplishing anything.
I am to the point that I don't think it will matter if the money is actually given to the states. With the political climate now, for every $1 spent on recovery, there will be 50 dollars spent just checking to see what the dollar was spent on. Does this make any sense? We have a government that has checks and balances. Yeah right. We have a political system based solely on The Adversarial System. Never agree. Never give the opponent an inch. Don't worry about the actual problem, just disagree and blame the other side.
These representatives that represent us in our government, are nothing like us. They do not come from the same background. It's like the House of Lords, the senators and representatives are the rich pampered socialites of the country. About the only thing they have in common with us is they were born here too. But they do not represent us. They will always represent their selves, the other pampered rich elite and then, by accident us. How can we look to them for help in a crisis when the only crisis they have ever had is the world found out they were in the national guard because of Daddy's influence or the supposition that they drown someone in a drunk driving accident?
For years these elite have been groomed to be in the positions they are in. They are beholding to everybody but the people that voted for them. They are owned by Big Business, Unions, PACs, Special Interest Groups, etc...... They go into office with an agenda that has nothing to do with how we, as ordinary people, feel. I look at education, drugs, the borders, energy, elderly care, medical care, medicine, insurance, the gulf coast as the big problems that need looking after. They look at this as a chance for Money, Money, Money, more government, bigger government, more government spending, more power, and of course a chance to argue with the other political party. Nothing ever changes. Except that there are new people everyday being lost in the shuffle because of the indifference in all these politicians.

Lawsuits **old post 6-06**

I'm probably gonna get slammed for this one, so go ahead and let me have it. I probably deserve it.
America is called " The Land of the Free ". But a better name would be " The Land of the Lawsuit ", were it is every person's right ( some people think it's a responsibility ) to sue someone and/or everyone for anything and everything that goes wrong in their lives. Sometimes I think it's every Americans ambition to sue someone: To Get Paid.
McDonalds has been sued because of their fries. How dumb is that? They were just too good, so I need a million dollars because of the pain and suffering caused by them. LOL. They've also been sued because their food was too fattening. Wow. The people getting fat couldn't have been because they had no self-control, and did nothing but eat and lay around on the couch. No, it's McDonalds fault for making their food taste good instead of healthy.
A dentist was sued because he put a pair of fake tusk in the mouth of a woman who worked for him, while she was under sedation during a dental procedure. He put them in and took a picture and then took them out. Then he did the regular procedure. He did it as a joke. There was nothing dangerous about it. He was known for his lively and fun work atmosphere, and he was known for joking around with the people in his office ( I know that it was in bad taste and it was probably not that funny to her ). But he was sued by that woman. Why? Because she wanted to. It was her chance to get some money. And she won. Now you may say that it was to teach the dentist a lesson and to get some form of justice. To sue him, it hurts him cause it takes away money from him. But he had insurance that covered it. But the insurance wouldn't pay. So he paid it his self. Then he took the insurance company to court and won. He also won damages because the insurance company wouldn't pay at the start and he came out real good in the whole situation. He made a lot of money off of her suing him. LOL. Yep lesson learned.
There was a guy that gave another guy a Texas Titty Twister ( where someone pinches a guys titty and twist ) and was sued because of the horrible pain, the years of suffering, and the mental anguish he endured . And he won. Such an important landmark case. Just think, I could have won more than a few lawsuits for this horrible act because it happened more than once to me in my life. LOL. I could be rich now if I had just realized I could have profited from it.
There's been people that have sued gun manufactures because the guns the companies produce were used to kill other people. A purely political thing. See I have never heard where the cement truck company, oil company, or the fertilizer companies were sued ever the Oklahoma City bombing. I haven't heard where knife companies were sued because their knives kill. I'm not trying to get into the gun thing. I'm just saying that it is an idiotic thing. If someone hit someone in the head with a baseball bat, is the company that made the bat responsible? Substitute the bat with a frying pan. Or a ice skate. Or a skateboard.
Just about every time a plane crashes, the families of the people on board sue the airlines. It's incredible how this is allowed. Yeah, it's my thought that getting in a aluminum tube with wings, going 500 miles an hour 1 mile above the Earth is safe and there should be nothing to worry about. Maybe we should sue God for not giving Earth less gravity.
Drug companies.. When something happens with medications and someone dies there seems to always be a lawsuit. Typical. But of course people will say that the drug companies shouldn't sell products that are not safe for EVERYBODY. But nothing is completely safe. Nothing is completely safe for everybody. Common sense should tell us that. I don't care if a drug company or anybody else tells me something is safe, I know there is a risk. But at the end of the day, it's our choice to take anything like that. We have the choice to take something or not. So it's our fault. It's not the fault of a company. Just like if I decide to drink a gallon of paint thinner. I did the drinking. It was my choice, not the company that makes the paint thinner. See there is no cure all and there is no guaranteed super medicine. There is a risk to taking any medications and there is a risk they won't work. But no matter what, it's our choice. See there are things I can see as worthy of suing over. One is the stupid people that fall into this category of imbeciles who sue over the results of their own choices. Everybody that files a sleazy lawsuit should be sued by the rest of the world. They should be sued and have their rights as human beings taken away from them. They should be relegated to an island where stupid, sleazy people can live without being in contact with the rest of humanity. Maybe not an island, maybe a big state. California is a good one to choose, it's already got more than a few sleazebags living there now. See nothing is safe for everybody. Take it at your own risk. I don't have an overly ambitious belief in so called cure-alls.. If I live, I live. If I die, I die. I will not live or die, depending on a corporation and their imaginary miracle cure. And I will not live my life hopeing that I can sue someone because of the choices I made. I can live with my choices. I also know that there is no cure for life. It always ends in death. There are some things that can prolong my life, maybe make it better, but there is no cure. And there is a risk with everything I put in my body. I'm not so dumb that I believe "IT" could never happen to me. I know it can happen to me.
The tobacco companies is another one. I'm sorry but that whole thing is wrong. People suing those companies because they smoked the companies product. I have never heard where people were being held down and were made to smoke tobacco. The people that smoke made that choice themselves and they are to blame for their own actions. It's incredibly stupid that society has felt the need to ignore this simple fact and blame people's lack of restraint on the tobacco companies.
A neighbor near me, had this couple walking up to their door. While they were on the steps the woman stepped off the edge of the step and broke her ankle. She sued my neighbors for this. Incredible. Incredibly sleazy.
The thing that happened at Selmer, Tn at the Kids for Cars parade. It was a horrible accident. Truly horrible. And within a week, there were lawsuits being filed almost everyday. People were coming out of the woodwork to try to get their piece of the pie. It's like vultures at a dead carcass. Or sharks in a blood frenzy. It's sad what happened. And it just shows how quick bad things can happen and how easy it is to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
How can anyone put a price on a life besides the person living that life? I couldn't do it but it's done every second of every hour of every day in every part of the world. It's a sad part of life but it's excepted from society. But each life doesn't have the same worth in our world. We all like to think our life is priceless but in reality, it isn't ( except to us ). So since we ( society ) want a actual price tag on our lives, we have courts that help us decide what specific lives are worth. It's kinda like a product on store shelves. There's the generic brand ( homeless ), the store brand ( the poverty level ), the name brand ( middle class ), and then there is the Premium brand ( The Unbelievably Rich ). Yep we all want to be the latter but with our society the way it is and our courts the way they are; who knows what we are really worth to the rest of the world. Who knows what anybody is worth? No one really knows. But I can guarantee you that there is a lawyer that can come up with a number for my life if I need one. But of course to get a number like that, I would probably be dead, so it wouldn't matter at that point what anybody thought my life was worth.
See I don't understand about going to court to get money because of a death. It never remedies anything. It doesn't bring back a loved one. To me, there is no way it could make anyone feel better about losing a loved one, unless they weren't really a loved one to start with. To me it is a horrible thing to have a death in the family. But if I decide to sue someone to get money because of that death, it would make me feel like I was using that persons death for my own benefit. I would also feel like I somehow wanted that person to die so I could get paid. It's a cheap nasty thing to use a loved one's death to make a few dollars. It just shows how nasty and callus some human beings can be. To me it is no better than parents selling their kids for sex. It's using people in the worst way. I also can't see getting money in a lawsuit for wrongful death as a form of justice because it is not justice. It's financial gain at the expense of someone's life. It may feel like justice and look like justice to some people, but it's just a sleazy pattern of abuse by a lazy society. Yep I said abuse because it is abuse. And it's demeaning. And in my view, it's what this time in history is going to be remember for. To me, it cheapens the life of the person that died. And it makes our lives seem cheaper.
I hate that bad things happen. But I really believe that things happen for a reason. The main reason is that people don't want to be responsible for their own lives. They blindly put themselves in dangerous situations. And when something happens, it's just the next step to sue someone. It's the easy thing to do. It is a self-deluding way to deflect blame for our own actions. To me, anyone standing on the edge of a highway no matter what the situation, they are in harms way. They are putting themselves in a dangerous situation. The kids that were on the side of the highway in Selmer, were in a dangerous place. Their parents should have known better. The cars had been doing this for years. It wasn't a new thing. Everybody knew that the cars were going to peel out and that the cars were very powerful. So if the parents allowed their kids to be in that position, the parents are the first one's to blame. It doesn't matter about the driver of the car, the city, the state, or the Cars for Kids charity. The parents should have understood that it was a dangerous thing and not something that they should be involved in.
See life is hard and life is dangerous. We need to take the blindfolds off and look at the world. It's not safe. There is no one protecting us but us. We can't rely on people to protect us. We need to protect ourselves. We need to take responsibility for our own lives because in the end, it's our life. Our lives are not as precious to other people. And suing for our own lack of judgement is never the answer. The answer is we need to use better judgement in our lives and we need to take responsibility for our own actions. We need to stop thinking that we are being protected from danger. Our only protection is ourselves. In the end, we are the blame for our own well being. We are the blame for our lives, no matter how hard we try to blame someone else.
Please don't get me wrong. I know that there are situations that constitute lawsuits. I'm not saying all lawsuits are wrong. But there doesn't seem to be a way to separate legitimate lawsuits and the sleazy ones that are the predominate ones today. The real ones are lost in the abyss of the commonsense-less and justice-less courts, and the endless flood of bad lawsuits.
Sorry if I upset anyone. I just hate the way everything seems so nasty right now. I just wonder if things have been this way my whole life and I'm just now seeing it. A couple of years ago, things didn't seem so bad.. Society didn't seem so predatory. Life didn't seem so bleak. Now it seems that it has become so easy for people to be dishonest. No one even cares any more as long as it's not directly affecting them. Nothing seems right. I just wonder if it's me or what. And I know it seems that I am always down on people and life in general. But I'm really not. It's just that when I see so much bad stuff going on, it makes me not want to trust. When I see so much dishonesty, it's hard to believe that there is honesty in anything. Every time someone cheats it makes everybody else's lives just a little bit harder. No matter how horrible the story, if it is against a "evil corporation", or how rich the defendant is: I don't see winning a frivolous lawsuit as something to be celebrated. To me, it's just wrong. Because every time someone wins one of those frivolous lawsuits against a perceived bad person/company, it makes it easier for someone to win a frivolous lawsuit against regular people like me or you. And I don't know about anybody else but I can't afford to be sued right now. Or ever. LOL.

End of the World **old post 3-06**

Sometimes I get too caught up in the moment and I don't think about other things. I have my little dramas that play out daily. I'm only human and I get caught up in them. I need to grow up a little and think outside of my tiny world. I need to see that things are going on elsewhere that I should care about. I guess it's just something that experience and age will take care of. Maybe. I guess I'm learning but as with most things, it's slow going.
But can growing up be anymore difficult? I wonder why this world has gone to crap so fast? Who let this happen? Who started this cycle of self-destruction? Who's the majority in this society, that decided that anything goes? When did personal values lose out to a free-for-all?
It seems that everyone with any values are so out numbered, that they've given up. No one cares if they're wrong, cause everyone is doing something wrong. It should be the other way. Everyone should do the right thing because everyone is doing the right thing.
I'm sorry if it seems that I'm judging , because I'm no better than anyone else. I'm not pointing a finger at anyone but myself. When I'm the perfect person, then I can do that, but that isn't gonna happen. No human can be perfect but we can strive to be perfect. With that goal, I think we can have a better world. But we need to start looking outside of ourselves and see how we can make other peoples lives better. Share in the world and not take from it. Make the world better just because we were here, not destroy it just because we can. Have a society that can give happiness but not the society that creates unhappiness. Have a world that we can invite people into our lives and not worry what they are going to take: just enjoy what they bring.
Where is our society going from here? Can we get any more destructive? Can we create a more narcissistic society? Can we empower people with petty egos to create more death and destruction? Why do we follow people with the morality of a tick? Most of the people we've placed on a pedestal and that we look up to are morally corrupt. They suck us dry of our on morals and values, to make us worse than they are. Maybe doing the right thing is never easy but you will never be ashamed of it. Shame is the telling thing. Without shame, we're no better than the lowest animals. I see people doing the wrong thing and they're proud of it. They have no remorse. No shame. How can they be a hero to anyone?
I just don't understand alot of stuff but surely this will end. I believe everything goes in cycles. This cycle has to change or we will self-destruct. There is no way we can keep on with this behavior without destroying ourselves.
Hows that for a glowing view on the world today? Makes you want to go punch a clown or maybe one of the Clintons. heehee
1 day the world will understand that you cannot let me stay home from school without a price. This blog is the price for the lack of judgement on my Aunt's and Uncle's part.

Stormy Weather **old post 3-06**

The wind is blowing hard. The clouds are dark and low. I feel like I can almost reach up and touch them. Everything has a ghostly look because of how the light comes in under the clouds. The street lights are on. It's going to be a good storm.
Storms always excite me.
It's funny, I don't like storms for the thrill. I like them because of their beauty. All storms have something beautiful about them. It may not be the storm. It could be the effect of the storm on everything. It's beautiful to watch the trees dance with the wind. It's a weird but beautiful ballet. Sometimes other stuff joins the dance and it looks like a mosh pit. Everything running into everything. It's wonderful when rain highlights the wind. The wind and rain, dance in the middle of the much bigger dance. It's a beautiful sight through my eyes.
The song the wind sings is soothing to me. I can almost hear a beat or rhythm in it. In combination with the rain hitting, it's like the harmony of 2 great singers. The wind keeping the beat and filling in, while the rain carries the melody.
Then there is thunder filling in with dramatic sound. It offers the unexpected at the right moment. Maybe not a surprise but surprisingly effective. But the song would not be the same without the thunder. It's the BOOMING voice of reason. It exclaims the the storm song is beginning and it whispers it's end in a low fading voice.
The light show. The Lighting is an important part of the show. It offers us more drama. It gives us the duck-and-run dance. Our on little part in the show. The light show is maybe not as big of a part in the song as the show. But it gives us an unappreciated and over-looked notice, in the change of the rhythm in the song. It gives the song energy and us a moment to moment visual in a dark show. It's a beautiful thing in it's self.
It's probably not how most people would expect me to react to storms but I have always had a fascination with them. I'm never frightened in storms. Never. I'm not a fool, though. I would never tempt fate by putting myself in the middle of a storm to play in it. But I do like to watch them. My wish is to have a house that has hugh windows open to all directions that I can watch storms out of.
So I'm sitting here watching the pine trees being whipped by the wind and waiting for the song to begin in full. I know that storms are viewed as something bad but if you look at it from a different view, you may see it has beauty. Maybe the next time you're in a storm, you will hear the song and see the dance. It's a beautiful dance and a beautiful song. It's a beautiful show.

About Me **old post 2-06**

First things first. This is my way of saying things I really I can't say out loud. I can never tell the whole story the way I need to say it even when I write it. I have some limitations and I try to improve myself but it is slow going. So, bear with me and maybe I will become a better adult than kid. I can only hope.
Ok, I use words like REDNECK, WHITE TRASH, CRACKER, etc; they don't bother me. I know who I am. I'm from the south so it's terms of endearment to me. heehee. Redneck is a term that came from hard-working farmers who got sunburned around their shirt collar. White trash is a term for someone that is not rich and has to work for their few possessions. Cracker is a term for a southern guy who is not afraid to be who he is, good or bad. It was from the old country stores where men sit around the cracker barrel. Most terms people use are fine if you actually look at where they come from. Anything someone uses to describe someone else can be made to be ugly if you let them. Like I said, I know who I am and it's kinda hard for someone to call me anything that I don't already call myself. With that said...........here goes.
I like to think of myself as A SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN of trailer park quality, the new Southern Aristocracy. I am not saying anything bad, I just know my limitations. Yes I am the poster boy for the New South. I pee out the backdoor when I'm home alone. I would pee out the windows but they're too high and the screens would be a problem. Anytime I can pee without having to aim is a plust. I spit on the sidewalk and wipe my nose on my sleeve. I fart in public, especially if it will be blamed on someone else. I burp when pressure mounts in my stomach. My pleasantries consist of Mame, Sir, thank you, no thank you, and kiss my a$$. If anything I own breaks down, it will probably become yard decorations. Why waste a perfectly good broke washing machine, toilet, or car when it would look great in the front yard? I am a redneck thru and thru.
This culture hinders the growth of certain social skills: dealing with feelings and love. And added to that, I think youth limits my ability to express these feelings and being able to put them in a understandable form. So I usually try a quick response in place of a smart response. But I have a hard time not being a complete dumba$$ and I usually can't make even a quick response. It's usually just a mumbled grouping of sounds that make no sense. Sometimes I will try to be clever or witty, but that doesn't work either. I'm better playing the inept moron. I've got that down pat.
Under the right situation I think I can be understood but that situation hasn't presented it's self yet. I can say the right things at the wrong time or the wrong things at the right time. Take your pick. It's a crap-shoot with me. I can turn a beautiful thought into a sadistic jab to the heart. Someone can say something wonderful to me and I will respond with something that starts in my brain as great. It comes out of my mouth like the words from Satan. Even with the deep, dark tone in my voice. Maybe I am possessed; yeah with the ignorant, moronic, dumba&$ demon. I just want to make sure everyone knows that I don't mean to be this way and I'm trying to change.
Ok, another revelation. I'm self-motivated to be self-absorbed. I can usually direct anything to how it effects me or about me. I can shade conversations toward me. If there is a earthquake in Turkey, I can make it about me. I know I'm immature but I'm good at it. I think everybody should have atleast one thing they are good at and this is mine.

Parents *Ole post 2-06**

I wrote this when I was living with my Aunt and Uncle. The rest of my family were in South Mississippi where we lived at that time. My parents and older brother were trying to get things fixed after Katrina. It was a very depressing time and it really seemed that I was all along in the world. I had seen my parents probably 3 times between Sept and Feb.

D-DAY. or maybe P-DAY for parents. Maybe I'm a baby but I can't wait for them to get here. I have missed them so much.
I miss the corny jokes my Dad has when he gets home from work. I miss watching soccer, basketball, baseball, even football with him. I miss the way he takes up all the couch when he is watching TV. I miss the way he snores by 9 pm every nite during what ever we are watching. I miss his smelly socks and feet in my face when he's trying to get my attention. I miss the Saturday drives when we talk about everything going on in the world ( when he ask what I think about things). I miss his laugh at dinner and breakfast. I even miss his LOUD farts when he is asleep on the couch. I miss his practical jokes ( fixing the shower head so it will spray on who ever turns it on). I miss his teaching me to drive and to park. I miss going to the store with him just to get out of the house (we would walk around and look at stuff just to stay out of Mom's way). I miss his nick names for me. I miss playing catch with him. I miss his bad attempts at playing soccer with me ( he would hurt his self just to play ball with me). I miss the never ending songs that he is singing under his breath. I miss his ability to see thru the bu**sh*t that is spewed from everywhere. I miss his ability to help others. I miss his laugh. I miss his touch. I miss his smell. I miss all of him.
I miss my Mom too. I miss her different views. I miss the time we usually spend with each other. I miss her routine of getting me ready in the morning and at night. I miss the out of the blue hugs that she will give me. I miss the bad driving because she is telling me how to act in public. lol. I miss the non-stop energy she has to see the good in everybody. I miss the way she wakes me up in the morning. I miss the practical jokes she plays on everybody in the family ( she put clear plastic wrap over the toilet bowl and then put the lid down. I went in and peed and it wouldn't go into the bowl, it splattered all over the place and ran off the side). I miss the way she can cook cabbage and turnip greens, so I will eat them. I miss the way she made the house smell like I didn't live there. lol. I miss her smile after school, when I didn't have a good day. I miss telling her about my day. I miss her yells at my baseball or soccer games. I miss her not knowing what is going on in soccer but still having fun. I miss the way she can look at me and know if I feel good. I miss her laugh. I miss the way she can help people and they don't even know she helped them. I miss her selflessness. I miss her walking thru the upstairs in her underwear trying to find her dress. I miss her touch. I miss her smell. I miss all of her.
I miss the dinners every nite that are never boring or quite. I miss how they always include me in every discussion that includes me. I miss the arguments about me being immature. I miss how they make me feel good even if I do something wrong. I miss how they explain why I was wrong. I miss how they can calmly explain why I can't do something when I am arguing loudly. I miss how they make me feel bigger that life. I miss how I can never make them mad, just disappointed. I miss when I am sick, how they can make me feel better. I miss their sappy kisses in public. I miss how they hold hands in public. I miss the way they tell me they love me in front of other guys. I miss their class. I miss them. I miss all of them.
I know it is in the Teen Hand Book, that we are not suppose to admit these things. I may be breaking some rule and I may be kicked out of the CLUB. I guess I'll have to live with that. I miss them so much I really can't get the right words. I would have never thought I would be like this at any point in my life but I am. And I am not ashamed. I miss them and I LOVE THEM. I LOVE ALL OF THEM.

Sunshine and Daydreams **old post 2-06**

I like to sit in the window and stare outside. I love to think about stuff that is going on in my life and to imagine things differently. Maybe I'm different but I don't think so. I see other people do this too.
I use my window as safety glass, protecting me from the world; especially while daydreaming. I can spend hours thinking about doing stuff outside and then when I go outside I have nothing to do. I've already done them in my mind. I guess I'm bored by then. Maybe what ever I was thinking about doing wasn't as fun in real life as it was in my daydream. Why is stuff more fun in your head?
It has been sleeting for a couple hours now. I've been thinking about going outside but I probably won't unless it snows some. I would like to see some snow on the ground.
Why is it a step toward adulthood when you give up childish dreams? I think it is giving into someone else's view of what is the norm; conforming to what is viewed as "adult" to certain people. Why do we have to give up our dreams to be an adult? Do adults not aspire to better things? What is so bad about having a dream? I HAVE A DREAM ! I've heard that before from MLK. Maybe if it is someone adults look up to, it is alright to have a dream. But if your a dumb, redneck,hick, white kid from Mississippi you're not suppose to dream. You're suppose to finish school, get a job, start a family, and except your station in life.
BUT I HAVE A DREAM.
My dream is that when I am an adult, I will be a person I can be proud of.
My dream is that I will treat people better than I would have them to treat me.
My dream is that if I have children who will want to be like me.
My dream is that when I disagree with someone, I or they will not shot the other over the disagreement.
My dream is that humanity will overcome it's self.
My dream is that some day people that are against something will stop killing to prove a point.
My dream is that government will be for the people instead of for the power.
My dream is that kids can be kids.
My dream is that adults will be adults.
My dream is that we start filling our brains instead of filling our time.
My dream is that cures for diseases are thought of less as capital and more like a miracle.
My dream is that new technology is viewed in how it can better peoples lives and not how it can take their lives.
My dream is that technology makes us more independent and not more dependent.
My dream is that I don't feel responsible for everything bad that happens in the world.
My dream is that there is no need for anyone to feel responsible because there is nothing bad in the world.
My dream is that my dreams are not unrealistic and will someday will come true.
YEP, I STILL DREAM.

I Need A New........ **old post 2-06**

This has been bothering me for about a week. It is something I have seen in my Aunt and Uncle, and by other adults.
"I know what is best for you and you should listen to me. I am older than you and I have more experience than you do". How many time have you heard that from someone older than you? It is something that is thrown around by adults to justify telling you not to do something they have done themselves. I know that it is something that I should listen to but they use it too much; for everything that comes up. It's too easy to say sometimes and after awhile, it doesn't work on me. I will think about all the things that they have said I shouldn't do and I wonder if they are just saying that for effect. I hear and see too much " DON'T DO AS I DO BUT DO AS I SAY". If the adults can't follow their own guidelines, why should we follow them. I mean really, if they drink and get drunk, they have not room telling me not to do the same. If they want me to follow them, then they should at least be the role model; not a hypocrite.
I know that experience is a very valuable thing in life. It can help you thru alot of situations. But commonsense is very valuable too. I don't know which is most important but without commonsense, you have the tendency to repeat the same mistakes. Maybe I 'm not very observant but it seems that commonsense is not being used today. I see it in the media, politics, families, church, schools, government, and pretty much society in general. Has everyone lost their commonsense. Nothing is ever my fault. I want everything that I see on TV. Can we talk about ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, and then I got to go. I don't like that, can you cook something I like. My car is a year old, so I got to get a new one. I know the kids are hungry but I need my DRUGS tonite. I don't care if their are people hungry next door, it isn't me. Why feed people that are hungry when we can spend the money on a committee to discussing the situation? Nothing is more important than building that new World Trade Center. My friends have a new cell phone and I can't be seen with this old one. I can get elected to another 4 years if I can get another useless law passed. I can't go to sleep knowing that their are professional athletes taking illegal drugs. We need congress to really address this situation and not worry about the gulf coast or the war.
Does this make any sense? Am I seeing things wrong? I don't know for sure but it seems that nothing is ever accomplished anymore. Nothing means anything. We fill our lives with meaningless possessions and we never accomplish anything. The only thing that matters is the next fix! That doesn't mean drugs necessarily. It means what ever we think we need: a new car, clothes, BIG TV, SUVS, pools, etc...
There are so many people in need today and very little is being done about it. Like most things today, the gulf coast had it's moment in the sun so to speak. It was the cause of the moment and now it's an after thought. It gets it's token lip service from politicians but that is it. No one is following thru with anything. Money is being allocated for help but it isn't making it to the places it is needed.

AN ANT ON MOUNT EVEREST **Old Post from 2-06**

Sometimes I feel that I am invisible, even insignificant to the rest of the world. Everything seems so tough; so complicated to me. I see other people and they seem to be able to do things with such ease and I labor along like I'm dragging an anchor. If I need to do something fast, I'm too slow. If I need to do something with skill, I'm skilless. It's not that I don't understand that everything is tough to everybody but I would like something to go my way occassionally. Not everytime but sometimes to have a break in my everyday life.
I think life is a series of test. We have to work to make it through life with any form of comfort and/or dignity. If we stop trying it will get harder. I know this. It is not a secret. Without effort, nothing will be accomplished. I try to do everything, I think. I put forth effort and I expect to succeed. But that usually doesn't happen; probably because of my glowing personality and unbridled charm.
When something goes wrong I usually kinda fade back out of sight so I can watch everything going on around me. Maybe it's fear that I will be called out on something or maybe it's that I just don't want to be noticed. I don't usually do this unless it is something that only effects me. Where I am the only one that will feel the brunt of it.
I like to put this stuff down on here and I don't really expect anyone to care. This is for me and that's alright. If you feel the same way maybe this will help you to know your not alone in the world. Maybe it will make you feel better knowing that there is someone that is not the popular,good looking, rich, athletic and/or smart guy. That not everybody has it great all the time and that there is someone that is struggling along too. SOME TIMES I FEEL LIKE AN ANT ON MOUNT EVEREST. I FEEL OUT OF PLACE AND TOTALLY ALONE. WITH NOTHING BUT EMPTY SPACE BETWEEN ME AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.