This is not in anyway a sexual blog, or maybe it is sexual and I don't realize it. But I don't think it is.
I notice that girls go to the bathroom together (it's like a bonding thing). They don't seem to have a problem at all with that. Girls dress and undress in front of each other without the horror of someone seeing them naked. They hang out in the bathroom and locker rooms at school. Guys can't do things like that. Guys have different rules. We have different standards to follow. We need to be ALL BOY but if we are too much boy, there's always someone who wants to put us on some drug to make us less BOY. From an early age, we're taught to be ashamed of our private parts (evil, dirty, nasty parts). I think boys are crippled with self doubt and shame from an early age because of negative social views, where as girls are viewed as innocent, sweet, caring, loving, etc (I know that girls have issues with social views too). So boys see things differently than girls, women, and even grown men because of this. Even something innocent will raise doubts about our bodies, our manhood and sometimes our sexualily. We stumble through life trying to get answers to questions that no one wants to answer and we're afraid to ask because of the risk that someone will make a joke out of it. We grow up trying to live up to standards and we tend to live down to stereotypes, and blindly just trying to survive. It's a messed up world for boys and I don't think most people know how to help. We're pressured to be ALL BOY. We are taught to act in a certain way, do certain things, don't do certain things, have certain feelings, not to have certain feelings, on and on and on.... Alot of the time, we're told to do something by one person, then told to not do that by someone else. We're told so many conflicting things that most of the time, there is no way to do the right thing. It's so confusing. Sadly, the only help we get is usually a weak joke, a sarcastic smile, behavioural drugs, and/or token PC crap mumbled by someone who has no business giving advice to anyone. But we usually make it through but only by comeing up with the answers ourselves.
I notice that girls go to the bathroom together (it's like a bonding thing). They don't seem to have a problem at all with that. Girls dress and undress in front of each other without the horror of someone seeing them naked. They hang out in the bathroom and locker rooms at school. Guys can't do things like that. Guys have different rules. We have different standards to follow. We need to be ALL BOY but if we are too much boy, there's always someone who wants to put us on some drug to make us less BOY. From an early age, we're taught to be ashamed of our private parts (evil, dirty, nasty parts). I think boys are crippled with self doubt and shame from an early age because of negative social views, where as girls are viewed as innocent, sweet, caring, loving, etc (I know that girls have issues with social views too). So boys see things differently than girls, women, and even grown men because of this. Even something innocent will raise doubts about our bodies, our manhood and sometimes our sexualily. We stumble through life trying to get answers to questions that no one wants to answer and we're afraid to ask because of the risk that someone will make a joke out of it. We grow up trying to live up to standards and we tend to live down to stereotypes, and blindly just trying to survive. It's a messed up world for boys and I don't think most people know how to help. We're pressured to be ALL BOY. We are taught to act in a certain way, do certain things, don't do certain things, have certain feelings, not to have certain feelings, on and on and on.... Alot of the time, we're told to do something by one person, then told to not do that by someone else. We're told so many conflicting things that most of the time, there is no way to do the right thing. It's so confusing. Sadly, the only help we get is usually a weak joke, a sarcastic smile, behavioural drugs, and/or token PC crap mumbled by someone who has no business giving advice to anyone. But we usually make it through but only by comeing up with the answers ourselves.
Anyway........I guess I'm lucky, I've got great parents. But it's tough even with my parents. And there's some things that parents can't help with. There's some stuff I will not ask my parents for help with. But anyway.
I've got a friend here in Memphis, Zek. (Wow. Someone can actually stand to be around me.) He stayed over here all day yesterday, just hanging out. He really likes being on line but he can't use the computer at his house unless one of his parents is there with him. He wants me to help him set up a page somewhere. I'm not gonna set him up with one where I have one but I'm gonna do it somewhere cool. He's 16, homeschooled, and his Dad is a Baptist Preacher. So, it's kinda weird. He has less of a life than I do. LOL.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon, we decided we would go to the mall and maybe catch a movie. So I took a shower. When I got into my room to get dressed, Zek was in there on the pc and watching tv. And I don't know why, but I wasn't comfortable dressing in front of him. Just about every good friend I've ever had, has seen me naked at one time or another (and I think we will be good friends). And I'm not usually prone to modesty even in front of strangers (that is other guys, I'm real modest in front of girls). So, I don't know if it's because of how I look right now, because I've had to be naked in front of so many people lately and I'm tired of it, or maybe I'm just getting older: but I wasn't gonna drop my towel. I kept it around my waist until I put my underwear on.
Like I said, I'm not a modest person. Me and my friend Will put on a show for some old dude in a swimming pool dressing room before. We had noticed him stareing at us most of the day (actually I think he was stareing at Will). Then when it was time for us to leave, he followed us into the bathroom/dressing room. We thought that since he was going to all the trouble to see us, we made sure he could see when we changed. It wasn't anything to us. We thought it was funny. But, for the most part, I'm not modest. Most of the time, I don't care.
But Zek being in my room when I got out of the shower got me to thinking about something else. Maybe he wanted to see me naked. Not in a sexual way but just to see (comparing). I've done that and still do sometimes. I'm curious and sometimes I want/need to see what other guys look like just to see if I'm normal, to see if I look the same or similar. It's not like most guys see alot of other guys naked. It's just not something that guys do. We are taught to be private. We dress alone, use the bathroom alone and everything else alone for survival. You don't show and you don't look, or you will be labeled a perv or something. And because of this we go thru life wondering if we are normal because we don't know what normal is.
But Zek being in my room when I got out of the shower got me to thinking about something else. Maybe he wanted to see me naked. Not in a sexual way but just to see (comparing). I've done that and still do sometimes. I'm curious and sometimes I want/need to see what other guys look like just to see if I'm normal, to see if I look the same or similar. It's not like most guys see alot of other guys naked. It's just not something that guys do. We are taught to be private. We dress alone, use the bathroom alone and everything else alone for survival. You don't show and you don't look, or you will be labeled a perv or something. And because of this we go thru life wondering if we are normal because we don't know what normal is.
Ok, there's been a few times I wouldn't do something because I might have to get naked in front of other guys. I didn't go to a camp once cause I was afraid I would get wood in the shower in front of other guys (I heard someone talking about that happening at camp the year before). I was 12 and anything/everything caused me to get wood, and I was afraid it would happen at the worst time. And right now, I'm a little shy about anybody seeing me naked because of being sick. I don't look normal right now, so I don't feel normal. But for the most part, I usually don't care.
But it's weird when I think about it. I've probably seen 10 guys naked in my life. Except for my brother and Dad, most have been close to my age. I don't think I've ever seen anyone naked at any of the schools I went to (I've seen movies where guys are showering in the locker rooms and stuff like that, but I've never seen anyone ever shower at school). I don't think I've ever seen but one guys pecker at school. That time it was a teacher in the bathroom and he made sure I saw it (he really was proud of that little thing). But for the most part, I follow the golden rule, YOU DON'T LOOK. Hell, at school, I'm afraid to look at mine. THIS IS RURAL MISSISSIPPIafter all. LOL.
But I was wondering if I've lived some kind of a sheltered life? I know it's kinda dumb to sit here counting how many guys I've seen naked, but it just seems like a low number. I've been on soccer teams, baseball teams, and basketball teams. I played from 8 year old till 15 year old. It just seems like there should be more instances than what I have.
I know I'm weird.
2 comments:
A lot of girls are taught similar things at young ages. Some are also scarred by constant reminders that "girl parts" aren't for touching, exploring, etc. (and I don't just mean inappropriately, not for looking at, talking about, thinking about, etc.) and as a result, a lot of girls have serious intimacy issues later on because they are actually conditioned to believe that the slightest touch will render them in unbearable agony. Or that they'll destroy themselves in some way.
I guess it's just a ploy to teach us to value our bodies and protect our chastity but the extent that some parents go to is unreal and unhealthy.
Not all girls are subjected to that, but quite a few.
You are right about the naked thing though. I don't know why girls are more free to be naked around one another. I suspect it has something to do with old customs from centuries past when girls had serving maids that dressed, undressed,and bathed them. Whereas the men were pretty much on their own (that's why the button placement on men's and women's clothing are opposite, if I'm not mistaken).
But as for being subjected to those kinds of thoughts ("evil," "dirty," "nasty," and others) that is just horrible. I know it's true too. After all, the naked female form is considered beautiful, natural, artistic while the naked male form is often called tasteless and vulgar.
Our society sucks sometimes. Especially in this area, where conservative rules (I'm from northern MS too).
good blog. when i was in middle school, we had to shower after gym. no one liked it but we had to. i was more self-conscious then. i think everyone is at that age.
now, i don't really care. except i don't like being naked around middle school kids. (the more things change...)
i don't care about adults or little kids or even older HS kids. but younger teens... just makes me feel weird. maybe because i coach that age group. who knows...
maybe i'm more messed up than you.
NAH!
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